Outlet

As an artist it is important to have an outlet for artistic expression. For dancers they need a stage and actors a camera and painters a canvas. Whatever the artist if you don’t have a place to express yourself in your own way, it can be depressing and it can hurt.

While I have had assignments lately for a magazine, I don’t always have the freedom to say anything I want. Yes I understand the reasons for this and it makes sense. I know I can’t shine that harsh a light on sleepwalkers, it’s bad for them. I know have to do my job and that does not include my own agenda or anyone else's for that matter. That’s the logical and mature side of things, the reasonable part of me.

The whinny crying baby artist in me wants to pout and throw a temper tantrum and say, “It’s not fair!” While it may not be fair, it the fact of the matter that life is not fair and I don’t get to do everything my way. Sure I know that, everyone has to deal with that fact of life. Unless they are in denial like my mother, who knows for a fact that everything is someone else’s fault, it is never herself. When she doesn’t get her way or fails it is always something out of her control, someone was being a big meanie!

While I refrain from that kind of behavior, it does hurt when things don’t work out the way I want them to. I mean to say it really hurts. It hurt me in my chest to do a piece that was not up to my own standards. I had to finish it and get it over with and move on to something else anything else, the dishes, letting the dogs out. I am fine now and I know why I reacted the way I did.

With this blog I am able to do things my own way and it has spoiled me. I don’t have an editor or boss telling me anything. I try not to be self-indulgent, if I go out to the mall I always bring something home for others, not just me. If I go to a book signing I think of a friend that might want a signed book by this writer as well.

Why all the fuss that I didn’t get to do things my way? The stereotype of an artist being sensitive and crying over things that no one else would think is that big of a deal, or what they would consider ‘just work’ applies here. Yes I was upset because I was told, No. I do give good gifts to my friends and I am generous. Maybe I do all that to cover over the fact that deep down I am a selfish artist and I want my own way all the time and I don’t want anyone to know that since I am afraid no one will like me after they find out. Is that another form of self-deception and my friends already know this about me? All I can say at this point is, thanks for reading my words here on this, my outlet.

Door Knock

In the last few weeks with the fires we have seen on the news the Police going from door to door and telling people to evacuate. Sometimes it has been voluntarily other times mandatory.

Does it make you think, what if it was my turn? What would I take along, what is most important to me and my family? It’s good to plan these things, some of get scatterbrained at such times and can’t think. A little forethought would be helpful if that is you. For me I am pretty steady and my steadiness rises during a crisis. I do not panic and I think clearly, something I can’t take credit for, I got it from my dad.

Last night I got that door knock, there was a chemical spill on my street and all the residents were asked to walk up three blocks and wait at the corner of a major street till we were told it was safe to go home. I was alone and grabbed these things: my good walking shoes, a sweatshirt with a front pocket, my cell phone and my wallet so I had ID with me. I asked the Police if it was okay to take my dogs and they said sure as long as they were on a leash. I had changed into my sweat pants, but changed back into my long denim skirt I had worn to work since it would offer better protection in the cold night air. The front pocket on my sweatshirt helped me get to my cell phone while I had three dogs to take care of.

The rest of my neighbors were not so prepared and the parents didn’t tell their kids to put on proper footwear and so they were complaining about the cold cement and how they were barefoot. How long does it take to put on flip-flops? My dogs thought it was just time for a walk and they pulled on me till I took them on our usual route. Which was fine since it took up time and helped me take my mind off the danger to my home.

It also gave me time to think. If the Cops and Firemen had not gotten there in time and I hadn’t had a chance to get out of harm’s way, what then? If worse had come to worse, I felt okay. I had just spent the last few days giving presents to my friends, just because and not for the holidays. In the last 24 hours I had been able to hug and kiss my friends, people that are important to me.

As it turns out everything is fine now and we were able to get back into the house by 8pm. I am still grateful for giving all my friends gifts and letting them know how I feel about them. It’s never wrong to do the right thing. As for the Police, they did a great job. I know they told me to leave for my protection and they are trained professionals. If they ever have to knock on your door, listen to their direction and do as you are told. Don’t forget to put on your good, comfortable, durable shoes.

Good

Feeling good about ourselves can be difficult. Some days we just get up and feel spry and wonderful. Other days we just feel fat and dumpy. It could be changes in hormone levels or just the fact that we over ate the night before.

For some reason we have feel great in our favorite outfit and then our hair will be all wrong and then that blows the whole evening. Photos of myself make me cringe; it’s as if I never have a chin. It’s silly I know, and it could all be attributed to us being much too hard on ourselves.

When I get into my belly dance outfit and look at myself in the mirror all I see is the bad stuff that I hope and pray not one else is focusing in on. I don’t feel great or sexy or anything, just fat and dumpy. For some strange reason all of that goes out of my head when I am dancing. I really do love it and sort of going into a trance or other place and all of a sudden I don’t care and I just have fun. I know this is difficult to accomplish since I will be performing in front of people. Somehow I try to just focus on the dance and then I don’t care if someone thinks I’m fat in the audience.

Of course no one tells you that and people seem to like seeing me. It’s only when I am at home doing a dress rehearsal do I feel this way. I guess old baggage from my family and any insecurity I have just creeps in. My teacher and friends are so supportive and keep me thinking in a more positive way about myself. I don’t doubt my dancing skills; I have always been a good dancer. I just want to make sure everyone else thinks the same and not one wants to get up and leave during one of my performances.

If all else fails I will at least be able to say I had one heck of an outfit on! That should make even the most camera and stage shy person feel good about themselves. It sure helps me.

Icon

Over the last few weeks I have had an opportunity to see some Icons both Pop and Dance Icons.

The first was a Pop Icon and her performance with other Pop stars. It was something and I enjoyed seeing all. What is it about these larger than life persons that keep us coming back? Just to see what they do next, there is something to be said about their hard work and shows that is entertaining and fascinating. Why not go and see them?

It’s been said that it is hard to have this larger than life people in our vicinity. That it can be difficult for others, making them feel bad. As if they could never do these things or reach the heights of success, which should not be. It should be an inspiration not a discouragement. It doesn’t mean you have to be exactly like them. Could it push you to do more, and keep going? Why not think of it in those terms?

I can’t see being so in awe of someone that it would make me discouraged. I have gone up and talked to some of these ones and I always treat them as a person. They still have to dress themselves and they get up and toast their bagels like everyone else. I can’t think of their act as what they are like in real life. It’s an act, a show that’s the point.

Maybe I am just too realistic and logical for the one’s that cowers at the feet of Icons. They didn’t get there without a lot of hard work and sweat and paying their does. There is the rare person that becomes famous almost overnight. The trouble with that is they forever have to work hard to earn it. The ones that rise slowly are able to savor the success when it comes to them, not at once but at last.

I still look up to Icons. If they can do it and are mortals like the rest of us then yes there is hope. What does it take? From all the interviews I have read hard work, hard work and more hard work. Oh and meeting the right people, so no staying at home all the time. Time to roll up your sleeves and get going.

Out

In my weekly plans I usually stay home and cook and watch TV. I watch a lot of movies from old black and white films to cartoon movies. Of course that can get dull and we all need to get out in the evenings and go to a concert or have a nice meal out.

Last night I was treated dinner and a show at Dar Maghreb in LA. I have never understood that some people don’t like to drive far for dinner. Some don’t like to leave Orange County and drive in to LA at all. Driving is one of the pleasures in life. In the last few weeks I have been up to LA a few times.

Sometimes for writer’s events and like last night to support my belly dance teacher and see her perform in a showcase that will be ending soon. And from my experience last night it will be a loss. The food and service was really top notch and the honey lamb alone was worth the drive. The other event was a concert and it was worth the drive as well. I can’t say it was the best concert I have been to but it was something to see, very much the Pop Icon event.

I know I like to travel and not everyone does, but with all there is to see and do around here in Southern California it’s a crime not to go out and see some of it every once in a while. Of course if you can’t afford it that yes you have to stay in, it’s worth saving up and going out to see a show after a while and since you’ve been good and saved, it makes it that much better when you do get to go out.

For me the besides the dancing and the food, there was the sight of the full moon over the city. Driving by down town LA and seeing the skyline with all the lights on the buildings was great to see, it’s so pretty at night. It was a great night to be out.

Social Scene

In the next few months there will be more occasions for people to get together. While some of us look forward to all these social events it does mean we will all end up in some scary situations.

I have already had a few and will share what happened and what I did about it. First there is the racist couple at a recent dinner party. I have had this happen from time to time. They sit and talk about how things are in your country or neighborhood of origin. These are never kind remarks, but you are at a party with your man's work mates. This is not the time to call them names. Change the subject to something you might have in common. I changed the topic to travel and let this couple know I have been to Europe a few times in the last few years. Later I talked about dogs and we mentioned our favorite breeds. The husband talked about surfing and we both had that in common.

The second sticky situation is being in at a table with someone you just met or were forced to sit next to. At a writers conference I was sat next to a woman that looked at me as if she couldn’t understand how I was in the chair next to her and not part of the wait staff. Again using a bit of grace and good old fashioned manners, I was able to talk to her about property we used to own in her area. She looked shocked that I knew anything about real estate markets. I asked her about herself, when all else fails and you don’t know what to say, let them talk. People love to talk about themselves and you just sit there and don’t have to say anything more than, “oh, really.”

While these were similar situations, in both called for good manners. The funny thing is that some of my friends think that I can talk to anyone and that I make friends easily. I can when I want to, but in some of the time I am just listening to others talk and laughing. I am not telling them my deepest fears or making friends, just being polite. I can make it look fun and make it look like I am having fun, when I am just trying to be social and not make a scene.

Cleaning house

The term ‘spring cleaning’ brings to mind mothers airing out the feather beds and going through the house and making sure every nook and cranny is clean. I missed the spring and am getting to it now.

It can be scary that two people can gather so much stuff. I have talked before about not having kids on this blog and I have to say my stuff would run over any kids things. I don’t even have room to house a guest. Well I didn’t till last week, but now it’s nice and clean and there is plenty of room.


This maybe the least interesting thing about me. Yes, I like to cook and clean. The reason I bring it up is only because it makes me feel good. When I am waiting for things to happen in the rest of my life I need a project to work on. At my job I audit myself to get things done. At home I need to clean and purge my house of extra things that I don’t need. It’s all about using my time for positive things and keeping too busy to worry about things I can’t change or things I have no control over.

I have just finished working on my book and after working on a long project like that the house does need to be paid attention to. At my office there is cleaning that can be done and I will get to that soon. As for the rest that I can’t control I have to keep praying about it and leaving it in more capable hands than my own. If nothing at all I can clean up and use my energy in a positive way. I might still have things on my mind but I will be too tired to worry about it for a long time and there is nothing like a nice clean house that you can invite your friends to.

Procrastination

It is always easier to get ourselves distracted by other things and do the hard work we really need to. If we have lots of friends on line than we might feel the need to email them and keep talking to them instead of doing other things.

When I was in school I used to do the easy homework before the more difficult. I rationalized that I was still working and getting things done. It wasn’t totally untrue but I would get too tired to do the other homework. Then being tired I would put off doing the other projects I need to do.

I know we have all been there. In the last few weeks I have again been working on my manuscript. Sometimes getting to it is the most difficult. I don’t really know why. Once I get started it goes along pretty smoothly and it doesn’t take me long to make the needed corrections. So what is stopping me from digging right in?

Rejections really. Having sent in my first chapter out I have received rejection letters and it stinks. No matter how much you have to deal with that in publishing. It still hurts and it doesn’t get easier. The fact of the matter is that you have to go through this in order to get to a place where you are an author. Yes, it’s called ‘paying your dues’. In the past I had only thought of actors and singers having to do this. Now I know better.

The only thing that keeps me going is my goal of getting my book published. I would have stopped a long time ago if I had wanted to make a lot of money and right away. I have wanted to be a writer since I was about 11 years old. It took me a while to even get this far.

I have to keep telling myself it will happen, has to happen. This is my life’s work the big dream of a life time and not a passing fancy. Sure there have been bumps along the road and there will be more. It’s worth it to have something you have spent so much time on come to life as it were. No more procrastination for me.

Reading

As a child I was not the fastest reader. I still am a bit slower than others, but I really do enjoy it. My first grade teacher used to have a footed bathtub in the corner of the classroom. If we were good we could go into the tube and read. I loved that and I would be extra good just to go relax and read in there.

I think that had a lot to do with my view of reading. That it was relaxing and a treat, one of life’s pleasures. I also think that is why I have always read slowly, since I like to savor it and it’s not something I want to rush.

There are other things I love to savor, like time spent with friends. Maybe it’s OD-ing on too many design magazines over the years but I do like to see my friends enjoy meals I cook and put out tea lights and create a nice atmosphere. Where these ideas all go astray is in the fact that I have so many books and magazines and newspapers around the house.
In fact you can tell where I sit and have been in the house by the stacks of New Yorkers and books on my side of the room.

While I am no, ‘Neat Freak’, by any stretch of the imagination, it does get to me every once in a while. Then I have to thin out the piles of magazines and the ten or so books I am reading at any one time. Even the trips to IKEA and purchasing of bins to put them all in doesn’t really help. Okay, so I need some more book shelves that’s for sure. This is an improvement over how I used to be. I used to save my old fashion magazines with a religious fervor. It was getting scary. It wasn’t the books themselves but the hope that one day I might be able to afford some of these things and go to these places.

I can say that after meeting some of my personal goals I didn’t have to cling on to the security blanket of Vogue’s like I had once done. It is much better to realize your dreams than to keep dreaming. Now I have no problem throwing out old magazines when I am done with them, they no longer are such a big deal. As for my books, I guess when I am gone I will donate them to a local library or something. I have a nice collection of signed first editions I am not letting go of anytime soon.

Why all this mess? For the simple fact that I love reading and the written word. A well constructed sentence and great photos. The feel of heavy card stock paper, or linen paper with jagged edges. The fresh ink on paper, or the glossy paper in fashion magazines with a black and white photo on it. Here’s to my favorite addiction reading… and as far as being a totally goner with no hope of recovery. Guilty as charged!

Baggage Check

In the travels we take in life there are things we need. Money, tickets, passport and of course our luggage. In our personal growth the challenge seems to be how to get rid of the baggage. If it is from the last boyfriend, or family business or a divorce, whatever the case the baggage is there.

I have had my divorced girl friend go on and on about her EX, she was going on a first date with someone new. She called me before the date and was going on about her Ex and the new guy and his EX and what should she ask him. She had turned this invite in to such a panic and I told her not to bring up any of that and just relax and be glad you don’t have to eat alone that night. Much to the distress of her date she didn’t listen, and of course he left and there was no second date. I have heard the same kinds of things from my male friends and it is a turn off no matter what your sex. Funny thing about that, I am talking about the two that went on this date.

Clearly she was bringing her baggage with her to drinks and dinner. I guess we can’t really get rid of it, but maybe we could change out the big suitcase with the wheels for a coin- purse?

In working on my book I have been trying to do just that. In the last week after going to the conference I feel I have made a breakthrough. It came to me in a dream and after thinking about it and talking about it, it makes so much sense. It’s true I do tend to go off about some of this stuff, and my friends are so great for listening to me.

If it weren’t for my good friends I would not make it, none of us would. We need to share with someone else. There is a great befit to asking the, “I know this sounds crazy but just
Hear me out for a minute” questions. We can convince ourselves of anything and make it sound fine in our heads. Out loud can be something else entirely.

Once I have a chance to make heads or tails out of what is going on, I feel so much better. Today I have the strength to do things for others and I have been smiling and singing in the car. It is like taking off a heavy shoulder bag or backpack. I don’t think that I have reduced it to a coin-purse just yet. It does seem to be getting a bit lighter these days.

Conference

That’s right I have been working on editing my book project and I was able to finished yesterday afternoon, before I had lunch! As a reward I went out and met some friends in the evening.

To further the celebration and make some new contacts I will be attending a Writers Conference this weekend in Irvine. I didn’t know if I would be able to do this and at the last minute it worked out. Isn’t that just the way though?

I have been working on this project for years. Sometimes I feel like I should just give up and start something else. I have started a screenplay and I have started writing another book. Things I will continue to work on when I submit my first chapter to a literary agent.

The first time I went to one of these conferences my project was really a first draft. Of course I didn’t think it was. Since then I have revised and edited. The first time attened I also went with a fellow writer friend. She has since stopped being my friend and I miss her a lot. She just dropped off the face of the earth one day and never returned my calls or letters or emails. I really loved her and enjoyed talking to her about writing. I know she had a lot of problems and I don’t know if I offended her or it was just that I got an editor.

Whatever the reasons I still credit her with getting me to finish my book and get out there to pitch it in the first place. Since then I have attended a few of these, I always learn something and it is great to be with fellow writers. Of course now I have the IWOSC group that I know and met with when I can and I have been attending Media Bistro events. All of which helps since writing is such a solitary life.

This weekend I will enjoy the company of others who share a passion for the written word. It’s true we writers are a strange lot. Most of the time we feel out of place. That’s because most of the time we are Zebra’s in a room full of horses. Once you get all the Zebra’s together then we blend in. Time to go check in with the rest of the heard!

Wardrobe Malfunction

In the last few years we have heard this term and applied to Janet Jackson’s Super bowl performance. I can say that I have thought the term was utter rubbish. Plus her costume had been designed to be revealing.

That all changed this last weekend when I had my own wardrobe malfunction at my dance recital. It was a small venue filled with friends and family. The group looked a little bored so I thought I would step it up a notch. The thing is at home I had not danced full-out, I had no idea that my top was not up to the challenge.

The back clasp broke and I had to hold on to my very heavily beaded bra top and walk off the stage area. My teacher/friend tried to pin me up and I tried to finish the dance, but nothing doing. I had to walk off again and go back to the dressing room. I didn’t cry which some of the women half expected me to. At my age I can gracefully leave and not show anything to the crowd and not cry. Thank you very much!

In the kitchen/dressing room I changed into a tank top and the girls pinned my vale around me like a Sari and I was able to dance again with the others in the finale. It was not a total loss. All the girls were very supportive and encouraging. That was so great of them and what I needed at the time. My friends in the audience told me how smooth my skin is, later in the night when we were having drinks. I didn’t think I was even out there dancing long enough for them to notice.

Lessons learned: I will get my bra top fixed by a seamstress and have it re-enforced. The worst happened and I didn’t die, cry or fall apart. I might think about wearing pasties for other performances. Once you have had your top fail you… nothing is going to get you down. I have been working on my book, and what could go wrong? There is nothing in my project that can’t be fixed or changed and it’s not like the end of the world. It’s not like my top is coming off or anything. Ha Ha. Take that Janet!

Next Phase

I have been working on my dancing and I have been re-editing my novel. The next phase is to get the editing done and send out my first chapter to agents. For my dancing it will this weekend’s performance and starting a dance troupe with my teacher.


I have taken time away from my book to get some distance and some fresh eyes to look at it again. The last rejection letter I got gave me some clues as to where to go with this manuscript. I can see what they meant and I have been going through and re-reading the book from begging to end to see what can be cut.

Not that I have to tell everything in one go, I still need to leave something for the next book and the next project. In the mean time I have been working on this blog and other writing projects. This has all been good for me, in the last few years I have really grown as a writer. It still is life or death to me, in that I want it so badly.

Having other articles appearing in Scoot! Magazine has helped, so I don’t feel like a no one will ever want to hear what I have to say. For a while I was waiting positive encouragement that never came. To get here I just had to keep working and reading about other writers and reading books about becoming a writer.

The first time I went to a writer’s conference I was over confident and I still had a lot of work to do. After reading about working writers and how long it takes them to finish a book and how many times they edit their work and I got the idea in my head that it was going to take longer than I thought. The last few years have not been easy, by any means.

This time I am working on my book it is not at all emotional, as it was before. I can look at it as any other project. What will make it better and keep the pace up? If it is getting boring, cut it.

In my dancing I have to be bolder and not worry about what I look like so much and enjoy myself. If I don’t keep up the passion for my writing or my dancing both will suffer and end up half-baked. That won’t do, at all. On to the next phase, success.

Re-boot

The last few days I have been going over and over my dance routine for my upcoming performance. The perfectionists in me had me deconstructing other dance routines and editing from what other do well to what I do well.

At the current time I am not that small and I am not going to do belly rolls outside of class. Nor am I daring enough to do full body waves. As it is the sight of myself in a Cabaret Belly Dance outfit made me want to run for the hills.

All my life I have been more modest. Sure there are the occasional over the top sexy outfits. These last few years I have worn more fitted clothing and tops, a few some dresses. It has been in an effort to remind myself to stand up straight, and keep my goal of losing weight in focus. Frankly I have never thought I had a body worth showing off.

What has helped my keep sane is the fact that I have been so disciplined in my work out routine and I have very seldom so much as missed a week of exercise and even then I was ill and not on vacation. Last years’ vacation we were sitting in the truck for so long when we got to in to Reno for a few days I hit the pool and did a few laps. With that in mind, the few sexy outfits have been ones that show off my good points and hid the rest. There is not much fabric to hide behind in a belly dance costume.

This year I have only been on weekend trips here and there and yes I took my dancing DVD’s with me so I could work out. Laptops that play DVD’s are helpful.


With all this in my head, I have taken a very ridged plan of attack on my upcoming performance. I dance to an hour every morning before going to work. I have my outfit so I can practice and not wait till the last second to put on the whole thing. I have been over thinking it a bit. Yes, I do tend to get obsessive. After showing my teacher my outfit and the dance I have been working on, I realized something. While preparation is great, I needed to relax and just remember that my audience will not know if I mess up, I can improvise some of this and I don’t need every step counted out. I listened to her advice and the parts that were giving me problems smoothed out and I feel so much better about the routine. That’s what I needed to do take a deep breath and re-boot.

More dancing

I had it in my mind that there was a dance event coming up. I know the girls in my class have been talking about September 13th. I didn’t want to be caught off guard without a proper routine, so I have been working on some moves.

Unbeknownst to me that is the date of our dance recital. Now I am in a panic to get a new outfit. Just my normal hip scarf will not do for performance. Plus I know what I want. I did find it one-line. Buy it was not in stock. Then I had to start from scratch. Goodness, all this for one evening.

I have been looking at pages of websites with spangles and beaded bra tops. It makes the mind reel. There are so many choices, and styles. I know what I want and later it will look good.

After two days of searching I found what I wanted in my size at the Velvet Gypsy, in Venice Ca. I am rarely in Venice, and I had to jam down there before they closed at 6pm. I am now the proud owner of a blue and gold beaded bra and belt with a gold skirt. It will go nicely with my gold and blue vale.

Yes, the question begs to be asked, am I crazy? I just turned 39 a few weeks ago and I am not skinny. Am I really going to get up in public and belly dance? If I asked my mother and sister, they would tell me not to do it. My sister would tell me I am too fat to get up and dance. My mother would agree. Which is why don’t talk to them and haven’t in years. The belly dance community is so much more accepting. They just tell you, that you’re a goddess and get out there and shake you thing! Not to worry about your shape and just have fun. This is why I even think I can do this. I have always been a dancer and I love it. On the plus side of this, all this dancing will help my waistline!

This chapter in my life will go down as, “how I dealt with getting older”. In the last few years I have been going to Pilates, surfing and now belly dancing. This is all in an effort to lose some weight before I turn 40, when it’s just a downhill ride to menopause. I know heavy women have a hard time with it, so I just want to be fitter as I get older. It also helps to keep bone mass.

As it is things are going well and will all this dancing it should get better. I have a goal with the upcoming performance to keep me on track as well. Here goes nothing! Or everything, just more dancing.

Can’t wait

Some things we need to wait for: food to be cooked, events to come around, friends to show up for dinner. Of course some are more difficult to wait for than others.

I have been waiting for some friends to come my house for dinner. I have asked them several times, and they flaked out. It was sad because I really enjoy their company, so I was very disappointed. This last weekend they finally made it and it was great! I always have a good time when I see them and they make me laugh till I cry. That’s why when they didn’t show I was so bummed. This last time made up for it all.

I have other friends from Europe I am waiting for them to visit the states and stay at my home. One is from Switzerland and the other family is from Scotland and I can’t wait to see them again. But I will have to. I know we will have a great time when they do get here, so it is well worth the wait.

I have been waiting for my book to get published and I have to wait longer. That part is up to me and to get this manuscript up to par. The waiting part comes when I send the first chapter out and see what will happen next. In the mean time I have this blog and my work to keep me busy.

Something’s I will not wait for. If something bothers me, like a problem with a friend I have to get that out and over with as soon as possible. I have called them at work or school. Once I get it off my chest and we resolve it, once I do it’s all good and I can go about my day. I don’t bring it up again and we move on. It’s not that I lose sleep over it, but if it still bothers me in the morning, I know I have to make a call or text or email. As long as I can air things out, I am fine.

When there is a block to airing things out, or someone tells me they can’t or won’t talk about it right then. I can’t stand it. That’s when things get bad and they get bigger than they would have been if I could have spoken to them right away. Or if they just get so defensive I can’t tell them how I feel, then the whole point of talking about what is bothering me is totally lost.

If I have to wait and wait to get things out than I feel as if they don’t care and I shouldn’t even bother trying to resolve things. I get so discouraged it seems pointless to try again. That doesn’t happen with most of my friends, they are always willing to hear me out and we make up quickly. Travel can wait, food can wait, talking to someone you care about like a friend, and I can’t wait.

Next Year

We all make plans at the beginning of the year for things that we want to accomplish during the next year. The New Year’s resolution; I never do that in January, but rather, in September. I always think of September as the New Year. Maybe because my birthday is in August and September was always the beginning of school year.

For some reason the calendars for the next year are already out at the bookstores. I have to stop myself. I used to get a day calendar, a desk calendar, a wall calendar, and the free one at Hallmark stores and I would write in all of them. Yes, I had some obsessive need to write down my days’ activities in three different places, and I did too……scary.

It hasn’t been a complete waste of time, thankfully. I have used these notes to write my first book. I had tons of material to draw on. These days, I keep up a journal in my laptop and I still have my daily planner, which I sometimes write in. I keep some of my emails to friend....good stuff in there, and I know I will use it in another story sometime.


How are we doing with the plans we made in January? Have we been keeping up at the gym? Have we lost the weight we wanted or stopped smoking? I don’t say this to throw out a guilt trip. Every day on this earth is a day to try to do better. Do we only have to try in January? Or can we get back on the treadmill today?

What about me? I have been going to my exercise classes and have even added a belly dance class that I didn’t plan on. I haven’t dropped all the weight I wanted to by now, but am getting there. Still, things are better this year than last. My butt is smaller and I can be happy about that. I really look forward to Monday nights when I do two classes back to back. My friends are all happy and healthy and I get to see them on a regular basis. I get to go to work with people I really care about. I get to write and God blessed me with the ability to be witty, and it comes in handy sometimes. :-)

As for my goals, some are the same and some are different, like keeping up with surfing. I am still working on all of them. I still have lots of things I want to do with my life and yes tons more travel. I may never have kids, but one day you’ll see a photo of me at the top of Machu Pichu or in a Sari in India. Who knows? There is always next year.

Again

My dog Middy has gone into season and we are thinking about breeding her again. She is a great mom and her pups are always healthy and great. Every time I enjoy getting to know their personalities.

They all hold you finger with their front legs, just like their mother does. Middy loves to be scratched on her chest, so much so that she holds your hand there with her front paws. It’s so funny to see the pups do the same thing, even as young as a few days.

Middy is so good with them and takes such great care of them. Even as much as a tomboy as she is, when it comes down to it she can be quite motherly. It’s fun to watch her play with the pups and let them jump on her and bite at her and she is calm and lets them play and is so patent with them.

As for me, it’s a lot of hard work. The question really is, am I ready for a new litter of pups? I always love to see them and they are always so cute. That’s the thing about baby animals, even big ones like rhino’s or lions; all of them look so cute when they are young. No matter how big they all have that child-like innocence and look of wonderment in their eyes. How great is that? Plus puppies make everything better!

Of course they all grow up and as the pups get bigger I have to once again roll up my sleeves and clean up after them. People always remark that it would be too hard to give them away. Um, after cleaning up after 6 pups, yeah you can give them away.

We try our best to make sure they go to good homes and have been very fortunate in that regard. Usually only people who have already had Scotties want Scotties. I guess here goes nothing….again.

Fun

Everyone has a different idea of what is fun. Some like to go on roller coasters or ride a bicycle or drive their motorcycle. I like being on my surfboard and that is fun for me. I also love riding my Vespa.

Not that sitting at the beach with a good book and sunlight is fun as well. I enjoy going to Monster Trucks as much as I like going to the symphony. Different evenings, yes, but both are fun. Each for very different reasons, I just try to have fun no matter what happens.

Last weekend I attended Comic-con down in San Diego. Now there is a group that has a different idea of fun. Since I grew up in the 80’s I am no stranger to Goth kids or Club Kids going out in full regalia. I just had not thought about seeing all of them at once, in the day light with lots of children around. I suppose that did not think about the fact that when they are hanging out in the mall they get used to kids being around them.

One thing that stuck me was that in the evening, I could find none of these kids. There were hundreds of them running around all day, where did they go? I asked a friend who has been to these before. She said they all go back to their hotels and ‘party’ and play video games or D and D all night.

Wow, so that and a six pack of Zima and they had a rockin' night. If that is fun for that crowd, then good for them. Some of us want to go dancing or concerts, but that is just us.

Everyone needs their own definition of fun, we can’t be too harsh on others ideas of fun. Okay a little bit, but not much.

Growing up

In talking to a friend recently it dawned on me that he is finally growing up. It’s so nice to see. I have known him for years and I have seen the more childish and selfish side of him. He is forgiven; we were at that place, once.

Now to hear him talk about the future and buying a house and all the plans he has, it makes me happy. Like a parent in a way. Not that I can take any credit for it, he did it on his own. I knew he would get there and always had faith that he would make it and he was just going through his immature faze. During that time I didn’t get on his case about things and let it go.

Now he is married and has a kid and coming to terms with what he has to do as a husband and as a man. He is not related to me at all, but as a friend I can say I am happy to see his progress.

That’s the thing; I don’t have to have children to feel like a mom. I just have to be there for my friends, in the good times and in the bad. Just writing about this and I wanted to cry. Brother, forget it if it had been my child, I would have never been able to be detached enough to let him figure things out on his own. I guess that is what dad’s are for.

I know I am not a family member or his mother by any stretch of the imagination. It’s just gratifying to see someone progress. No one wants to see their friends do badly; I guess some out there might, not me. I am always rooting for them to do better, even if I don’t always say it out loud.

I was talking to a new person the other day and telling them that I am an optimist. Their response was to tell a joke in which the punch line was that an optimist thinks everything is great. While a realist knows everything is horrid. I laughed but it doesn’t really explain things at all, I am not deluded and I don’t think everything is great. I hope and pray and want things to get better. Why? Since I realize things are bad now, I just work at making it better.

I am in no way a delusional child, but I have my eyes wide open. To me that is a big part of growing up, in that you have to decide who you will be. Some one that wants to hide from the future or someone that bravely faces it with optimism?

Friends

There is something to be said about being a good friend. I have found out the hard way that some people that I thought were friends have turned out to be back stabbers and thieves.

It has been happening over the last few years and I can say I am thoroughly disgusted with these people. The husband smiled and pretended to like us when his aim was to steal from us.

The wife is not without guilt as well, she made it clear that she didn’t respect him unless he could bring in huge amounts of money. His motivation was to gain her respect. That doesn’t excuse his conduct. He now tries to blame everyone else, even his victims. It makes no sense. That’s the whole point, he tries to convince every one of his innocence and it never adds up, since it is not the truth. The only thing I can figure is that he has to keep up the lie so his wife doesn’t find out the truth.

I would never do any of this, but it is always the way it ends up. The one trying to be a good friend never thinks that the other one will sell them out. The one trying to take advantage of the other is counting on the fact that the innocent one will be too good to return the evilthat was done. It had taken time for all of this to happen and it leaves you feeling helpless and sad and sorry for believing you were friends at all.

There are other things that come out of this, what will you do? Sue, them or let it go? The letting go is hard, since you feel like the sucker. Suing can take years and when it’s all over you might not be better off. How do you deal with the pain the other person has caused you?

I don’t know about the suing part just yet. The pain part has caused me to work harder to keep my mind on good things and not just focus on how evil this person has been. I have taken time to go surfing, doing something good for myself. I buy myself flowers to cheer myself up.

I can’t keep doing this though and some days all the little tricks and good intentions don’t help at all and I just feel hopeless. Those day are not easy to bear. It makes me wonder if the other party feels bad for all the pain they have caused?

At the end of the day, you should have some good friends that you can count on. It doesn’t mean you can never trust anyone, there is no reason to give up on people. If bad things happen, it doesn't mean it's hopeless. Good friend’s are great, even if it’s just a few of them.

Inside the Box

The other night at dinner a family was eating and talking next to us. One friend of that family a teenage boy was talking next to me. Yes I was listening, okay.

In over hearing his conversation I was shocked at how closed minded this child was. He was interested in designing guitars but had an aversion to other art forms and didn’t want to classify himself as being ‘artsy’. To him that meant he would focus on a certain discipline and ignore other forms of art and didn’t want anything to do with fine art, drawing and paintings, such as visits to the museums.

I could not believe what I was hearing. His friends and the other adults at the table tried to tell him that all artists are ‘artsy’ and he would not listen. While some disciplines and genres deserve respect as their own category one form of art can help the other in unexpected ways.

For myself I have had an improvement in my writing since I have been going to my Belly Dancing class. The thing about inspiration is that it comes from all sorts of places and you need to be open to in, in order to benefit from it. Also I have always thought of art as a way to open doors not close them.

Hearing this kid being so closed minded, in a way that only teenagers can be, was killing me. I wanted to hit him upside the head or shake him by the shoulders. I didn’t do either.

As that party rose to leave I tapped that boy on the shoulder and motioned for him to lean in and then I said, “The more you keep yourself open to all types of art, the better your own art will be.”
To which he said, “Thank you.” He left with the rest of them.

I think the others were asking him what I had said. I just had to. Now try to think outside the box buddy.

Time

We all have to stop our busy schedules once in a while to attend the occasional wedding of funeral. It’s the time we catch up with family and see people we haven’t seen in a long time.

I had to attend a funeral this week. While I am not close with this side of the family, it was time to go anyway. What struck me most of all was how the family talked smack about each other, even right in front of the one they were talking about. The competing for the best-dressed mom was on, as usual. The men folk compared cars and job titles.

The family member that had died was one of the few that never bought into the families’ competing and could care less about family politics. This was one of the reasons we liked him. What we did not know was that he was a leader in the world on implosions. Most of those hotels that you see on TV being imploded in Vegas or where ever, he did them.

There are only about 5 families that are in this business and they all knew him and what he was capable of doing, which was quite a statement. When he was on the job, the others felt confident that things would go smoothly and no one would be hurt, he inspired those kinds of remarks, even from people who didn’t necessarily like him.

I feel ripped off that I didn’t know about his line of work that well, I would have loved to talk to him about that. It explains why he never cared about the family politics; he loved his job and would go off for months and work. He was happy with what he did, and there is something to be said for that. My hat’s off to him! I did enjoy the time I had with him.

Old School

In recent years people have used this term for the 70’s. I have no idea why. Something’s should be left alone by one culture or another.

It used to mean being from old money and being stuffy. To me old school mean the men in the film “ Chariots of Fire”, the scene when Abrams wins the gold medal and the Dean of Oxford and his friend a professor there are at the dinner table. A butler walks up and hands him the newspaper and says, “He did it Sir.” The two older men smile and raise a glass of cherry.

That is what old school meant, the old boys club. Men only in business and only if you had the right pedigree did you get in. Of course as time went on you could, buy your way in if you had enough money to get into the right country club and the right schools. Then these men of power would let you be a captain of industry as well, as long as you knew you would still play ball.

So how in any way does this apply to Fila track suits and Adias sneakers and gold chains around the neck, did I forget a Kanga hat? It doesn’t and it’s an example of one group using terms from another that don’t fit well. I am not saying language doesn’t change or shouldn’t. I suppose I just don’t want younger generations to think that “Old School” always meant hip-hop.

Will they care? Maybe not, but if no one says anything how will they know? Do I kick it old school? You bet I do……thought you knew, aye.

Happy Face

In my 38th lap around the sun, I some how been about to hold on to my optimism. I don’t really know how by the way. I’m not as cynical as some might think, I may say flippant remarks as a way to not talk about what is really bothering me, but deep down I want things to go well and want the best for my friends.

Sometimes it seems so wildly impractical of me to still think that there can be a happy out come to what should really be a tragedy. I have no contact with my mother and sister, and even though I prefer it that way, it’s because I have been so hurt by them that staying away from them is part of my survival skills. I know they won’t be in my life and that’s fine, but I want them to be successful and happy with out me.

I always try to find the good side to things and it’s not easy, since life can stink and it does a lot of the times. I laugh at the most horrible things. I have gained this sick sense if humor from my Dad. One person I have known said I have an “f-up” sense of humor. That is true by the way, maybe I am laughing instead of crying like I really want to.

I was not allowed to cry in front of my mother and sister. Both of them seemed to find it a weakness and I was told to ‘toughen-up’. Not that it was in my nature, I have always been more sensitive, which yes I know…..that contradicts the sick sense of humor. It’s not that I don’t feel bad when things go wrong, I just have learned to laugh at life and keep going.

So the few things I have learned is this: to laugh when nothing is really funny, to smile even when there is little hope things will get better and to pour myself a big drink. I also have learned to keep thinking of the few good things I have and focus on them. It seems I should really tell my friends this more often, so they don’t think I am so mean. I try to be happy with spending time at the beach and dancing in my class on Monday nights, and I try not to bemoan the fact that I haven’t been out dancing in forever. I stay at home and cook most of the time, to cheer myself up I use the nice napkins and buy myself flowers and tell myself it’s better to have something interesting to eat a home that be bored going to the same places over and over. Plus it’s healthier.

I do have an active imagination and I can always go into my dream world when all else fails. It may not seem like much and it may be silly and overly simplified, but it gets me though the tough times like every-day.

Since I have these coping skills not every knows what I am going through. Some how I have been able to show the world a Happy Face, but that’s not the whole story. It’s just that no one wants to hear all my tales of woe, they would rather see me be happy and smiling and telling jokes. That is okay, I can do that, too. :-)

Just Looking

As girls and women wonder through the malls together they are often met with well meaning sales persons asking if they need any help. The response “Just looking,” usually sends them away. That gives us girl the privacy we need to talk some more.

Most men seem to think that when women go to the malls is just going to mean money leaving the bank account. While that does happen so does some thing else; time together to talk and catch up and see nice things in the window.

I make sure the when I go to the malls it doesn’t add up to a huge bill. I know that doesn’t happen in other families. For my girlfriends and myself we use this time as bonding and quality time. Why go to the mall to do this? Why not? There are restaurants and nice things to look at. All the time we are talking about our families and jobs.

The conversations can be very intimate depending on how close we are, and it doesn’t take long to get there. Half-way through the mall we can be talking about pap tests and confess whether or not we have ever faked an orgasm. To men this may seem like too much.

But ask yourself, has your girlfriend ever talked about something that was bothering her while you were in the grocery store or other public place? Did you feel it wasn’t the right time or place? That is because that doesn’t exist for women. Any place with a close friend and more so with a boyfriend or husband is the right place to say something. Be it the shoe store or Starbucks or the produce isle of the store. If it bothers her enough to bring it up, my advice, listen.

What I am trying to say is this: Time spent at the mall is not about the items in the windows, it’s about girl time. So when we are with men, we still have this frame of mind. Time together is the right time to talk about the home or problems we are having and time to really be with our men.

It does not need to be, after dinner before your go to bed, only when you are relaxed. As women we have had to learn this, because if we talk to you at other times you don’t want to hear us. So rather than thinking going to the mall as a big hole in your pocket book, go with your girl, you can then monitor spending and if she brings up personal things, let her. You may not end up spending any money but gain an understanding into what is going on with her.

If you let her go on and on about life and work and as the sales people come up she may not want to stop talking and off-handily tell them, “Just looking.”

Rain

I don’t know why southern Californians complain when we get a bit of rain. We need the rain for things to grown and we need the water later to drink and use to wash things.

One thing I will never defend is the driving around here when it does rain. Never let it be said that we know how to drive in the rain, since we clearly don’t. In one morning after a heavy rain there were 100 crashes. That was a few years back, but it still brings home the point that a little rain and every one freaks out.

If you look at the hills right now there is nice green grass and there is lupin blossoming on the sides of the road along the freeways. All this since we had a bit of rain.

I am looking forward to my spring garden to come up. I have planted tulips and other flowers. Later I will plant some veggies for the summer garden. Some of my tulips are starting to sprout.

We don’t have to plan too far in advance to get things to grow around here. Plus we don’t have to take things in like they do back east. I don’t know if I would like having to drag in plants and cover everything up like Martha Stewart shows on her program.

The only thing that I don’t like about the rain is that it keeps me out of the ocean. I know some don’t do this, but I make sure to stick to the 72 hour rule. I love to go out in the water but it is not worth me getting sick from the run off. I can wait it out.

I was glad that it had rained, when I planted my flowers since the ground was nice and soft. It was easy to work in. All of that and it was thanks to a little rain.

Pups

I have been looking after my dog’s pups and trying to place them into nice homes. It has been a few months and it has been busy. I am glad I don’t have childern and having the dogs is a bit like having kids, kids with fur.

It has been fun getting to know their personalitys. One of the boys we have been calling Shy boy, is no longer shy. He was to begin with but now he is out going and since he is teething he is bitty.

The other boy is so quite and soft and cuddly. He just wants to be held and will watch TV with us. There are two girls both sweet and kissy. All of them hold your hand with their front paws to keep you hand on their chest. That way you won’t stop scratching them. Just like their mother.

The boys take after their dad, payful and he snaps his teeth, a playful thing for him. We have tried to break him of this habbit. The dad is playful and jumps around a lot so do his sons.



I have to share photos with every one so here goes!

Mom's

I recently found out gossip about my own family, from a friend. It seems that my sister no longer lives with my mother. From what I hear she lives back in Long Beach. That does cause me to be concerned since my sister had a lot of bad habits and friends that influenced her in those bad habits all back in Long Beach.

Her move does not surprise me, since she didn’t like the city that my mother lives in and she likes to live by the beach. I don’t know why she keeps going back to Long Beach, there are nicer places to live and nicer beaches.

The thing about my mother is that she is very hard to live with. She is very needy and my sister doesn’t do needy. My sister is not at all comforting and does not encourage but berates you when you are feeling down. There is no room for tears and while my mother doesn’t cry that much she does whine, a lot. My sister does not tolerate that.

When I have been low and was pouring out my heart to my sister she didn’t want it to last more than ten minutes and I should be done. If I exceeded that limit she would say, “Aren’t you done yet? Are you that Needy!” and yes raised her voice at me. I have listened to my mother all evening as she recounted her day and all the “slights” she imagined everyone in her office sent her way.

My mother will not stop being needy and wants everyone to listen endlessly to her complaints. My sister thinks everyone should get over themselves. She really doesn’t get over things that easily either, but she doesn’t have time to listen to people, she finds it offensive and thinks that when people tell them her problems, it means she is included in a group of losers. She considers this a put down, that people tell her their problems.

Neither one of these women are married. My mother was left by both of her husbands and now that I am an adult I can’t help but think it was because no one has that much time to pay attention to her.

As for my sister, she has no empathy for others and no patience. She feels every one should be tough like her and no one should be over weight or needy or have problems. So how can any one be close to her? Even men want to look to their wives to listen to them and to be supportive.

It comes as no surprise they parted ways. The both are unyielding, and they both think they are right. Both of them are wrong, they both need to compromise. They can’t do that if they think they are right.

I am so glad to be away from both of them and I never go to visit my mom’s place.

Too Good

I feel too good to be at work today. I started my day at the gym, at my Pilate’s class, and even though it is a hot day, for some reason I want to go dancing or something. It must be the engergy I have from going to my class this morning.

I also had to stop by a friend’s house to drop off a present. It always feels good to do something nice for someone. Even more so when you get to see the things you picked out being appreciated! There is nothing like picking out a gift and finding out it was just right. So I did my good deed for the day as well and it isn’t even noon yet.

Okay anything else is going to be a let down, compared to what I have already done. I have work to do and I will get it done by the end of the day. I just feel too good to be at work.

I have to make some salsa for the weekend and I have to finish a few things at the house, it’s not too much to look forward to, but it’s something. I know I won’t get a chance to dance till I go to my belly dancing class on Monday.

Or maybe it is the beach that I miss, I could be out on the sand. I could be reading and working on my tan. I could be in the water and floating on my board, get out and let my feet dangle off the sides.

The summer vacations of our childhood spoil us terribly! I mean here I am a grown woman in my late 30’s and I can’t shake this feeling that I am owed days upon days of idle time and daydreams not yet envisioned.

It’s a Friday and that means nothing to me, just another evening. But right now my feet and hands won’t be still. So I’d better get going and do something productive today. I know, I have to be an adult and it stinks, and even more so on a day like today when I feel way too good to be at work.

Luxury Goods

Some things are an acquired taste, such as caviar and escargot. At least for most people, others seems are born to it. It seems to happen if you born into a moneyed family and are introduced to such delicacies then of course you enjoy them.

For those of us not born with the proverbial ‘silver spoon,’ it would seem that the opposite would be true, that these things so out of our reach would be things we would have to try to like. That the more foreign the more exotic the less we would take to it. Preferring hamburgers and beer to champagne and strawberries with sour crème and brown sugar.

Having said all that and understanding the reasoning behind it, I still find that in my case, luxury goods have always seemed natural and expected. I have tried very hard to find these things for myself; I have just always been attracted to them. Whatever happens to be the finest and most decadent is what I find for myself.

It’s not as if it happened over time, I just seem to have been born to it. When my mother was in her mid-to-late twenties, and divorced with two girls. Once she was asked out by an older gentleman, for a date. He lived in L.A. and us in Orange County. We had been on welfare for quite some time and my father was not faithful in his child support payments. On the times he did pay my mother used it to pay bills and counted as part of her monthly income, rather than making more money herself and taking that as extra and maybe even saving it for us girls for college.


At any rate, we were used to beans and rice and simple fair. Her date took all of us out the ‘The Velvet Turtle’ a now defunct chain of restaurants that catered to the more sophisticated. As I walked in, I did not gawk or even take the time to look around much at all. I felt no need to stare, that was for sure. I took my seat, in the best dress I had, which my mother had sewn for me.

Taking the menu I quickly found what I wanted, “I’ll have the duck, mother what will you have?” My mother looked at me in shock not knowing who this little girl was in front of her, all of the sudden. I had never eaten Duck, but I wasn’t going to give up my shot at having some. I don’t even know how I knew to order it, had I seen that in a movie? I was only five or six years old.

As a child I was always sickly and in bed, as a consequence I wanted fine sleepwear. Now this I know for sure I saw in a movie. So once, I announced to my grandmother that I wanted a nice nightgown, and it had to trail behind me. I was six, and I was trying to tell her I wanted a negligee with a train.

It is not the price tag either since some things that are shoddily made can be pricey. It is the quality that I go for. It does go with out saying that the most expensive things are what I end up buying, and my taste does put a strain on my pocket book. This is not to say that I don’t buy things on sale or look for discounts. It’s better to have a few nice things that a lot of cheep things.

As I have gotten older I have discovered that this mentality I have is a decidedly European one. Most of my American friends have had to learn this were I have always known these truths in my bones. Now that I have had a chance to travel and have been in Europe, this part of me fits in. Even though to them, I could not look any more out of place. My saving grace has been good manners and use of at least the local greeting. Once they see that I am polite and then they see that I appreciate good things, they smile and are pleasant.

I have no explanation as to why I have this seemingly inborn sense of style; I do know that it can be cultivated. The lesson to be learned? Luxury goods require some thought and lots of money…….Manners on the other hand, cost nothing.

So while I like good quality things, I don’t make it the main thing in my life. Luxury goods can’t hug you when you are feeling low. They don’t tell you that things will work out in the end. They don’t listen to you when things are falling apart and they don’t complement you for doing a good job. They can be a reward for working hard and it’s nice to treat yourself everyone in a while. They don’t take the place of spending time with the people you love and they don’t share a laugh with you. For that you have to call your friends over and have dinner.

Fairy Tales

In recent years there has been much talk about the fairytales of the past and how they mess people up. That Cinderella and other tails from the Brothers Grim make women grow up with an unrealistic view of men and what life will be like once married.

I can see that point, but there was only woman I have ever met that was waiting to go to a castle upon marriage. Most other women understood that they would work for the house they and their husbands would be buying

There are life lessons to be learned by fairy tails. In the story of Snow white, her stepmother was going through the worst case of a ‘mid-life-crisis’ ever! Constantly looking at herself in the mirror and the genie was like the gay friend telling her she was still hot. She was so out of touch that her mirror had to let her know, "Um sorry, Snow White is now the little hottie." Her reaction was to drive her from the house and tried several times to have her killed. There is a warning for men too, talk about a bad mother in-law; this one turns into a fire breathing dragon! After going through all that and helping take care of the dwarfs she gets rescued by the prince.

As for Cinderella, she was not a social climber, but her father had property and she was from a good family. Her stepmother did a number on her and degraded her into being a servant. Her daughters we selfish and spoiled who didn’t deserve a good husband. The stepmother was so jealous of Cinderella, and deep down must have known she was much better than both of her daughters put together.

As for Cinderella herself, she was a good person and everyone loved her. It was not just her good looks but that she was giving person and even the mice and birds loved her! She had spent time helping others and was not afraid of hard work. In fact both of these girls knew how to roll up their sleeves and help out.

The reward for all their hard work and since they had good hearts, then yes, they get the Prince in the end. Why do they happily every after? It is beaucase they are women that would be giving and helpful and not selfish. So what man wouldn’t want either of them for a wife? Is it really that hard to figure out these ‘fairy tales’? Does it really mean that women shouldn’t wait for the right guy, or that men shouldn’t be gallant? It seems there should still be room in the world for noble men and industrious women.

Same old, Same old

After I graduated High School I went into a funk. I entered a City College and that was nice. The teachers no longer treated you like a child and it was no up to you to sink or swim. That was a refreshing change and that made me happy. But in all it is disappointing to enter into the real world. It’s never exciting to come to terms with a ‘normal life’.

As the years have gone by and I have a very scheduled life so it may be tempting to tell people that I am doing the “same old thing”. What is that any way?

For me it this: wake up shower and have only one cup of coffee. (Too much caffeine dries out the skin and can make you edgy; as well it can give you female problems later in life.) At work I have herbal tea and a scone or a protein bar. In the afternoon, I might have a soda, but more often than not, some mineral water.

I have been trying to have my big meal be lunch and a lighter dinner and no eating after 7pm. I know that’s hard when you have a lot of home-work and are up late, try some veggies like apples or carrots. Since I sit at my desk quite a bit, I work out to four times a week, on Monday I do two classes back to back Belly dancing and Pilate’s and Sunday I try to take my board out.

I use my eye creams and face wash twice a day. Once a week I will do my Biore noise strips and maybe a mask and scrub with my sugar exfolant on my feet and other rough spots. I wish I had the time and money to get a regular manicure, but once a month is the most I can manage. I don’t get that every month either.

On Monday afternoons I cook for the week and make several meals at a time. That way I can just open the fridge, and see what I want and warm it up and eat. It prevents going out for fast food. I take my lunch to work and eat what I have cooked. I should be skinner with all the work-outs, not eating after 7 is a new thing. I will let you know how that goes. I have my paper work in the office to do, as well as getting scooter parts and I also write these blogs, soon I will start my screen-play.

It may seem like too much and too scheduled for you. I find it works for me and I get a lot done since I am not wasting time cooking every night and going to the store or to get fast food. I don’t mind staying at home as long as I have something good to eat. It’s okay I’m a good cook.

In the evenings after my work out I do watch TV, but not always. I do read a lot and right now I have a litter of pups to take care of. Next Monday it starts again and I will be doing my “Same old” once again. :-)

Finally

Some things I have been waiting for are finally happening. I have been waiting for my website to be finish and it has happened. I have been waiting for some recognition for the all the hard work I do and that is happening and I have been waiting to see some more results from my work out routine and that is finally happening.

Without some kudos and some pats on the back how do we find the courage to keep doing what we do? For some their motivation is money and as long as they get their paycheck that is reward enough to keep them going.

When we are creating and writing some times there is not a paycheck waiting for us for many months. For me it has been years. So what has been my motivation?

I know this is going to sound silly to some and a bit melodramatic but when all is said and done my motivation has been love. Love for the written word, love for my book project and wanting to see it get published. It has been a bit like watching a child growing up, only with out late night feedings and teething cries. I did stay up many nights working on my book, so maybe not that different.

Love for my friend has helped me work tirelessly to see them succeed. Since it makes me happy to see that businesses grow and do well, and it makes them happy as well. Love for my home motivates me to keep it clean and keep my puppies happy and healthy.

When it comes to the ones I love I will work my fingers to the bone to help them. As long as it is appreciated, the moment it is not then that generosity can go away pretty fast. As for my mother and sister, they have trampled on my good will and so no longer get so much as a phone call.

In my life I have seen that love goes a lot further than any monetary reward. When that love is reciprocated than it can keep you going for months and you can keep waiting for things to work out, finally.