1920's

Last night I went to see "The Artist" a new silent flim set in the late 1920's and early 30's.

This is one of a few depression era flims I have in the last year. The thing is that it is so taboo to say the word 'depression' as if we utter the word things will get worse. The already are worse. There are so many people that are up against the ropes and have little or no way of advancing. Its not just here but in other countries as well.

While the film I saw last night was great and really sweet,it brought home to me what is really going on here. Right now I have my homemade jam in the frig, we now make our own soda, and have a flock of chickens. There is a bottle of make-up remover in my bathroom that has two drops left and I won't throw it out yet.

I have been wasteful in the past but not now. Its not that I don't have nice things or all my shoes have holes in them. Its just that I'm not buying anything new and using everything I have to the last drop.

This year people are getting tamales and cookies from me. Its not that I am really into the holidays. I just want to be nice and generouse and this is all I can do. So can we please say that this is a depression already? Will the stocks crash further if we say it out loud? Maybe if we dare to say it we can stop pretending there is a recovery when there isn't one. In the mean time I may rent out more 1920's and 1930's films to see how they did it the last time....oh yeah the dust bowl era. Time to write a follow up to The Grapes of Wrath.

Great day

Yesterday I had a great day. It was my plan to make tamales and I did that. When I put them to steam I was able to rest a bit in the living room and I thought, this is nice.

I love making food and sharing it with others. It was nice to have all my dogs in the house and they were happy and sleeping. That's one of the great things in life. It was nice to have a break from my work and be at home. Sure its been cold and windy, which made staying home nice.

I have already received some good reviews on my food. Which makes it so much more rewarding. The things I have learned in this depression, is that home made goodies really mean more. While its true I work at the mall, those things that are mass produced mean less than baking or cooking for people.

It doesn't have to be just this time of year. I have been making jam and giving it out in the summer. I made some cookies and gave those out and now the tamales. I am done. Why not share what you have? Since I can get samples I give those to friends and my man takes them to his work and gives them out. This has been going on for months.

All this is a way to get away from all the negativity at work. There have been a couple of women that have been horrid to me. They do not get any of my cookies or tamales. I like finding ways to share and give, if people are nice to me, I will be nice to them.

The same goes for my family. Since they have not been nice to me then I have no reason to be nice to them. I recently found out my mother talks about me, as if we talk every week. In reality we have not spoken in 10 years. This may have gotten back to her, now she is mad. Well if she wasn't a user and didn't always want money and for me to steal from my man and not tell him, then maybe we would be close. At least the person she complained to knows me, and knows she is crazy.

In my little world, I can be happy with helping others and giving my friends gifts. It makes me feel good and I have a great day.

Girls Night

I have felt like an outsider most of my life. As a writer I enjoy watching people and not really getting involved just observing.

This usually is fine, when it hurts is when I am invited to a girls night like last Saturday and I had no one to really talk to and stood around like a nerd. At my age it shouldn't bother me as much. Most of the time I can get away with it and no one notices. At readings I have sat in the back with a drink and it seemed fine.

There are lots of times when I am alone and I really enjoy it, when I dance, surf and read. When I practice in my living room for a performance. Even while I am on stage, I'm alone and it doesn't seem odd.

Being with a group of women, some of whom I have known all my life I was on the outside. While I have been mostly glad to lose a friend, I needed her that night. It was a bummer not to have a side kick to laugh with.

Instead I had to answer questions about my mom. Did I know how she is? Is my sister ok in San Diego? I didn't know she was there. I have not spoken to my family in years. For the most part I like that as well. Needless to say I left that party early. It may have made my mother look like a crazy person. It seems she talks of me all the time, its old news since I haven't spoken to her in more than 10 years.

As I was growning up my mother made sweeping statements about my character. All of which were untrue. I am not comfortable being the friendly one, I like being quite. My father said I would scare easily. I have proved them wrong more times than I care to count. They know nothing of it since I don't share with them, but I know. Its enough. Next time I have a girls night it will be with women I like.

Day off

The last few weeks have been really busy for me at work, by the time I get home I can't do much. Yesterday I had the day off and was able to catch up.

It feels better to have clean clothes ready to use and the bed has clean sheets on again. Sure these are simple things, but they all add up. When I am away I know I have nothing to worry about, since I have things ready to use the next day.

It is also helpful to think about positive things. Since the women at work are still waring. That is the thing about sharks, they like to swim alone. If you put two in a tank they bite.

The other thing I am grateful for was to go to the Vintage Fashion Expo, and find things you can't get in the mall. It was also nice to dress the way I want to. Being in a work uniform can be depressing after a while. Since I am not even allowed to wear the shade of nail polish I want to.

The last thing I am grateful for, is being able to enjoy a nice fall day, check on my chickens and find 6 eggs. If I could do what I want, it would be hanging around the house with all my animals. For now I can be content with seeing them everyday and having "Whole grains" one of my chickens, follow me around like a dog.

Forward

I have been back at my job for three weeks and other than trying to catch my breath, there hasn't been much going on. I keep walking my dogs and taking care of my chickens. Something I don't want to give up, is my time with my pets.

It is difficult to be in an all female work environment. Its not my favorite. A few years back a comic joked that women exaggerate their problems at work. Their co-workers were out to destroy them, and it was silly. He also said that their is one woman at their work that women can't stand.

It may seem that they exaggerate and it made for a good act. I laughed at it as well. Until this week, when I found out one of my co-workers was trying to have her rival fired. She was trying to accuse her of steeling sales. Funny, that is something she does. Instead of working hard, she figured if she got rid of the other sales girl she would get all the sales. Goodness.

I have tried my best to stay out of the fray and not ask too many questions about what happened. As I came back from the stock room, I walked in on the conversation and heard about it. Other than saying I was sorry to hear about that, I have not gone around talking to others at work about this. Its over and there is no need to keep talking about it.

It is scary to think that some one would do this, and I now have to watch my own back. In the mean time, I keep my head down and look after myself. That's the thing, yes people at work can be childish and all. We have to deal with it and then we have to let it go.

Since I stand to make some good commission, I hope to start a savings with it. In taking care of myself I need to plan for my future. Whatever happens at work with these women, it can't stop me from moving forward with my own plans. Today my dogs are walked, my chickens have food and water and some fruit. They are all happy and quite now.

Poor

Its been almost 3 years since the banks got their bail out money, and I know most of the biggest banks have paid it back.

The stock market has still been Topsy at best. Target launched the reduced priced line of Missoni yesterday and the site crashed with people trying to order up high fashion at bargain prices. Why are we still afraid of using the word depression?

The things I have been doing over the last few years,such as keeping a flock of chickens. Then using their droppings for fertilizer for my garden. If it wasn't for the example of my grandmother and how they weathered the depression of the 30's I would not have had the idea to do these things in the first place. It has all been in an effort to save what little money I have left.

There are still some much more of a storm to go through. What can we do? It may seem that belts are pretty tight already. Do we have anything we can share with others? At my work I have access to samples of make up and face creams. I give those to my friends and not the ones that have money. I give them to the single moms or stay at home mom's. The ones that really need it. Besides only going to the discount section for meats, I find that I buy less and less from the grocery store. More from places like Big Lots and the 99 cent store.

I have a stock pile of stockings for a 'rainy day' and I would love to get more of my creams and other make-up and keep extra for next year. There has been a lot of jamming and canning going on here. There will be more. While I will put some things on sale on Ebay, does anyone have the money to buy them? Last week I went to the Fashions Night Out, not so much to see new fashion, I did that anyway at a show in Saks 5th Ave; but I was really there for the free drinks and eats.

The other things I have been doing for extra money is recycling. We have been staying home and eating a lot. A small mom and pop hamburger place that has been around for years closed its doors last month. It was in walking distance from my house and I had stopped eating there as well. So many places are left empty, and still no one wants to say the word depression or admit that we are all poor these days.

Meal's

In the last week friends of our have been dropping off food for us. It has been so nice! I knew a lot of them were good cooks and no one has disappointed us.

Its so nice to know that we have friends that help out in this difficult time as I am recovering. It has not been easy on my man, since he has to help me shower and all. It has helped him not be so burdened with everything.

I had no idea how many different rice and chicken dishes people could come up with and they are all great. None of them have been repeats of the same dish. They have also been kind enough to make a salad and drop off dressing. It's been really kind of them and interesting what we get the next night. We now have plenty of left overs for this week.

We did have to get out of the house and for the 1st time ever,as a couple we went to the OC Fair. I had wanted to see the piglets they showed on TV. I was not disappointed. There were day old piglets and they still had their umbilical cords attached. They were cute and pink and one had spots and was so happy nursing on he huge mom. Ok I knew pigs were big, but these momma pigs were huge. Seeing the babies in comparison was quite a big difference.

There was also two day old kids. That's goat and not humans. The kids were all leg and stumbled a bit. Even at two day the twins a boy and girl were literally butting heads. It was cute to see them play and try to head butt each other. We also petted the sheep and other farm animals. It was great and not that I have my chickens and used their droppings for fertilizer, ok farming. This year I am much more interested in the other farm animals and what we gain from them. The sign above the goats said they are used for meat. So there you go. Also they clean up and will eat anything, like the one after my parasol.

I was never told how much good food there was at the fair. The theme this year is "Let's Eat" if that gives you a clue. We did have some really great BBQ ribs. In all the years my friends have gone they have talked about the animals and rides and eating too much fried foods. Nothing about smoked ribs. I might have gone in other years had I known. We did try a deep fried twinky, it was good. Nothing I wanted seconds on, but worth the try.

In an effort to get out of the house more and before we had a new meal brought buy, we did manage a quick trip to the mall. It was nice to see my friends at Chanel and Dior and Louise Vuitton. At Dior we were treated to some champagne. With all the stress of the last two weeks, I needed a bit of luxury. Looking at nice things always cheers me up. I was able to talk shop as well since I have been in the retail industry of late. After some free champagne and feeling tired from walking, we went home. Shortly after we got home, our friends dropped off some pot roast. Thank you cards are going out this week, for all that cooked for us. We have been very grateful for their help! Thank you again!

Change

It seems that change is supposed to be good, we should change how we think and do things. It sounds great, but do people really change?

This woman I work with had surgery this year and she said it helped he to eat better, take better care of herself and gave her a whole new out look. Wow, that would be great, if it were true. In truth, she is very negative, one of those people that always says the worst things. She always talks about gross medical procedures and freak accidents. None of which are up-beat, or positive.

She also steals sales and the pretends she doesn't. We have a sales book, which she looks at, checking others sales and gets mad when some one else is doing better than she is. While she has been bringing her home made lunches to work to save money, that is something a lot of us do and is not that big of a deal. It seems the more she talks the more we find out that she still is very competitive, just like she was before she had her procedure.

A few weeks ago on a Sunday there was a customer that was purchasing a huge order of products. Rather than hog all the sales to herself, an other sales girl on my team shared it. There was no reason to be greedy, there was plenty of commission to be made by all of us. Four of us helped out and shared the sales. I gave that girl a jar of my home made jam and some eggs to thank her.

The 1st woman I am talking about was not working that day, she was so insanely jealous of our good sales, when she found out. She would not have shared with us. The other day I was again working with the nice girl and I shared my good sales with her, since she had done the same. That is team work, the other way, not so much. My question is, where is that great positive, life changing out look the 1st woman is supposed to have?

While I don't see any evidence of that, and neither do any of my co-workers, change is a nice concept. As long as you can really get it to work.

Dad's

While I am not close to my family and not a slave to made-up holidays, I do think of them from time to time.

Recently I was able to get my scooter up and running again. It makes me so happy and I can't wait to start taking her 'Sam' to work. Not only is it better for my pocket book, its fun.

There is a Scooter Exhibit I will go to see soon. The other thing I want to do it take my board out and go surfing. These are thought of as 'guy' things. That being said I have many girlfriends that share these interests.

My sister and I wanted our father's approval. Being children of divorce it was important that he showed interest in our hobbies. Yes it is important for all children, we just became more needy since he had already left. Which made us feel that he didn't love us.

My sister was always trying to gain his approval by doing well in sports. She did take to sports like a fish to water. For myself it was much more difficult. In my adult years I have pursued interest that would please him, scooters, motorcycle's, surfing. The thing is he doesn't know since we don't talk. In a strange way I have become the kind of son he always wanted.

The things I learned from my dad were not positive, the thing I inherited for him was my sense of humor and direction. For that I am grateful.

Light

It may seem silly to others, not artist,to think that when it comes to work there needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel. What do I mean? Thanks to opera's like La Bohemia us artist are supposed to live on nothing more than wine and baguette of bread and our love for our work. Love interest is there too and that feeds us more than money ever could.

It seems silly, but we do sort of have that in our minds, as if we can swan in and out of doors with a great cape on and never worry about getting the money to buy that cape. As it is I do have a cape that reaches the floor and has a hood. I bought it years ago at Nordies Rack. Now I have that covered.

For work I have a nice parka that I use on raining days. Its lined and keeps me warm, the younger kids I work with envy me, and my parka. It didn't occur to me at first, then it hit me. They are still in tiny sweaters and don't have the money to buy a nice coat yet. That's the difference when you are older, you have the things you need already.

While its great to have the wardrobe I need, as an artist its hard to think about going into work day in and day out for years. There has to be a light at then end of the tunnel. One day my books will sell and I can stay home do the things I like, drink wine, write and yes swan into a room with my cape. To think about working at my job till retirement seems like a prison sentence. Maybe that's why I need to dance, write and surf to feel like myself again on the days I am not at work. I suppose that is the free spirit in me. The gypsy that comes out to play when I put on my belly dance costume, with its tasseled bra and gold trimmed skirt. And then the light comes up on stage and I am standing front and center. Cue the music.

Out on the town

Last night a went to an event in LA, Hollywood to be exact. While the show I went to was great, just being out on the town and not at home was a nice departure.

How can you really tell you are in Hollywood? Not just the address you are at. The graffiti in the ladies room was people's my space accounts and websites for the launch of their albums. Who said advertising is dead?

That waitress was happy about the event next door, since all the ladies dress up nicely. That is really something since around that area I would figure people should "put on the dog", as a matter of course.

Also the industry types are there. Not the creative types that dress well. The ones that think they are creative but are really the agents or others that help the creative types. You can tell by the clothes they wear. True fans of this artist dress in sync with the artist. Lady Ga Ga fans line up in drag or glam rocker out-fits, or even their own version of her video looks. For this crowd retro glam and rockabilly girls are the looks to have.

The industry types worn sports coats and men's neck scarfs, with Beret's. That would be better suited for a reading at the LA Public Library. Its and artsy look for the literary crowd. For this show it was all wrong, as was the home-made gold lame turban sported in that same area.

Now I am off to a book signing. I don't have to dress up for that since it will be the college kids that don't have any money and dress in Old Navy and back packs. I could be wrong. Out on the town again.

Grown-up

As a child I was in awe of grown-ups. I figured my teachers where these great women who knew everything. That was before I knew about teachers editions. It may have been more of my denial. Since I was a child of divorce, my coping mechanism was to think things were just fine.

Even so, a lot of young ones feel that the grown-ups know everything. They certainly know more than we did as children. As we get older and figure out that there is some one running the controls and Toto has opened the curtain on that man, we find less things fill us with awe.

One of the most surprising things to me, is grown-up that act like children or at best teenagers. Work places are full of this. In my currant job, an all female environment, not my favorite and full of childish behaviour is a prime example.

When people tell each other to 'get a life' they mean just that. A job is a job, not a life calling. In today's job market the top sellers get the management positions. It doesn't go to the one that are most qualified to be a manager. Some managers don't have a life and obese about things that are not that important. It wouldn't seem like such a big deal if they had a life.

In an article about bad managers, the writer mentioned that people who bully or exhibit bad behaviour are trying to control things in one part of their life, while other parts are out of control. Again, 'get a life', can be said here.

What to do when grown-ups are not being adult and mature? For myself, I will not lower myself to yell at work. Nor will I gossip about it to everyone. Which is why I don't use my real name, or the name of my place of employment.

As it is, I have a life. There are so many other things for me to do when I have a day off. There is the farmers market on Thursday's in the summer, the symphony I have tickets to. Other things coming up,such as the Hollywood Forever Cemetery screenings. There are things I need to accomplish with my work, and it helps to stay focused on that and not the personality's of the co-workers. If others do not act grown-up around you, it is no reason to throw in the towel, and lay on the floor and kicking and screaming with them.

Moving on

Sometimes its hard to move on with your goals and dreams. In the last few years I have had this blog and a handful of articles I have written.

There is also my novel that is yet unpublished. Sure I could have self-published years ago. I would have spent 2,000.00 on getting that done and may have made my money back with a bit extra.

Sometimes it feels feudal to still have the same goals and dreams, but no one ever won by quiting. There is the Festival of Books coming up, something I plan my year around. Yes its "book worms unite" for the weekend at UCLA. I plan on buying a nice big coffee table book again. As I get older I really want the art books I couldn't afford when I was in my 20's.

It makes me feel happy to see all the people that love books there selling and buying all these things that have taken people years to get off the ground. Yes it fills me with hope.

Since I also love to read, it so much fun to see what other minds have come up with. In some ways that's the biggest thrill. All the books in the books stores and library's are filled with ideas some one else had. Sometimes there are more than one idea form one writer. When I see books its like looking at a well planned garden with a sea of flowers. All showing off for us.

Ok, maybe that's over stating it a bit. I just enjoy and like to celebrate others creativity. What did this one say or do, how did they find a way to express themselves? It never gets boring. In that spirit, I have to keep moving on to my goals and dreams.

Sit-com families

In TV shows there is this idea that friends will be together forever. On the show Friends, it didn't happen and it doesn't happen in real life. In the shows its hard to think that after every one has slept with each other they will still be friends.

In the past some of my girl friends have disappointed me in ways I never thought. One girl friend was so prideful and wouldn't have me question her husband. She thought he was so great and always right. She learned that he wasn't, but by that time our friendship was over. I knew it was going to end things, but I had to speak up. At that time she was just spinning out of control with her obsession over something that had happened 2 years before that. I couldn't listen anymore and by this point she was just thinking others were holding something against her husband, um no everyone else has moved on, and what if he was wrong? That is what I had to say and she flipped.

Another ended up leaving her husband and is remarried to a man that was close to her family, its like she married her uncle. I have seen this new couple, but they are so creepy. She has a father complex and wanted her father to take better care of her after her mother died. It never happened and both her husbands have been older than herself. The first was a user and thought her family was loaded and he wouldn't have to work much. That didn't happen and she didn't get the life his first wife had, going to Nordie's all the time.

I used to be so close to these two, but they freaked out and I am no longer friends with them. It makes me wonder, if I can't stand these women how do these men feel? No wonder they can't keep their marriages going they can't even be friends very well. Some days I miss them and want to give them a call. I can't there isn't that close bond anymore.

The other thing I wonder is what will I be like in ten years? What if the few friends I have are not there? I can feel that I am becoming bitter towards women. I am very careful what I say to the women at my work. I am not their buddy, I am nice but I don't tell them too much. I sit and watch them, and for the most part they are not nice and they steal sales and are tacky. For the most part I eat lunch alone, I don't care that they don't ask me to go on break with them.

Am I going to be this old woman by herself with tons of dogs and no friends? Neither of these women wanted me to be honest with them. They wanted me to go along with their daydreams and I just couldn't. I can't go along with the fairly tail of the Sit-Com's that they will be friends forever and I couldn't keep listening to them go on and on about some daydreams that aren't real. The Sit-Com families are not real, and I like to live in the real world. No wonder I am better friends with men than women, I can be blunt with them and they might get mad, but then tell me I was right to say something.

As for the future, I have been reconnecting with some of my girlfriends. One helped be my muse the other day and got me on a new writing project. I was so grateful to her and burst out into tears, I didn't know how much I needed to talk to her. I don't want to be a bitter old woman with no friends. Of course I will have to learn French so when I retire to the south of France I can still have friends.

Trying

In the last month I have started a new job, this has had its ups and downs. While I am grateful to have a job. I keep reading how the worst places to get a job are in my own back yard. I have to remind myself of that when I want to hit people over the head, when they are being annoying.

The other thing that has been helping is having the paycheck. I have bought myself some fun boots and some work shoes. I don't have to ask my man for money to get my nails done, since I have my own.

One of the other benefits, having money and days off in the middle of the week to have lunch with my girlfriends. I connected with one earlier this week, it felt really great and I didn't know how much I had missed her. Now that I have a job and I have some money, we can make this a more regular event. She even inspired me to a new project.

The other day at work I was told to go to a second sales seminar, we all were told this. It helped a lot, I had been focusing on personalities of my co-workers and things I don't like about them. In truth some of the girls are very ghetto, and I don't mean anything about their ethnicity, but the urban equivalent of being 'born in a barn'. No manners, no class.

I would be lying if I said I didn't mess around and play at work when I was 19. It was only the week my manager was on vacation. We did get loud, and I felt bad right away. The difference is that even a much older women joined in the antics, didn't stop it and there was tons of customers around. When I was 19 we just ran done the escalator and laughed loud. It wasn't a good thing, but as soon as we saw some of the other managers we straighten up.

I really don't want to be the older lady saying that the younger generation is rubbish and all, they make it too easy. Talking about how much they drank the night before and when they were constipated. Things I really don't want to know.

Instead I try to look at the things I have control of, my own customer service. I have mentioned to my friends that I do things my own way and not the company way. Still I get lots of sales. They want customers to buy everything, um I live in the real world, people are still broke. Filling up my tank yesterday and I am spending twice as much as a few years ago. Good thing my job is close to home.

In all I am trying to adjust to the new job, it is better to have a place to go to. A reason to get up and get dressed. Last year I had to deal with feeling useless and bored at home. Sure none of it is really easy, at least I can help my family.

This time

I have been working at a new job, the thing is its the same job I had when I was first working. We like to think as we get older, we get wiser. What has changed and what has stayed the same? Will I get it right this time?

This time around I am doing things much differently. When I was younger I spent a lot of money eating at restaurants. This time I bring my own lunch. Not only does it save money, I'm not running around spending my lunch hour chasing down fast food. Instead I eat, put my feet up and relax.

When I was younger the company people tried to intimated me into only using their products. While I have tried the new line I am working for, I don't care for it. I will use the brands I love and use the commission I earn to get what I want. The company people want me to dress a certain way for work. Fine, I can do that, but I will wear my Dr. Martin's shoes, for comfort and style.

The things that are the same, women really don't want to change. Especially older women. When they come into the store they want the girls to confirm that they are right. Some will say they want a new lipstick color but really that is just
an excuse to have some one pay attention to them. They end up buying pretty much the same color. Younger women will change colors, after 55 they buy the same color for the next 10 years.

Some older women feel that the prices are too high at department stores and instead of going to the drug store they feel the can beg for free samples or steal testers, as a way to compensate for all the money they just spent. They always pretend they don't understand or are confused as to the difference between testers and free gifts, as if they are one and the same. Its still stealing lady.

Some older ladies that use the most expensive face creams, they use it sparingly all year. They then come in and don't remember the name of the product. They expect me to remember them and their one purchase for the year. Sorry crazy lady if you don't know the name on the jar you have been looking at all year, how do you expect me to?

The younger girls that work for the company are bought and sold by them and believe everything the company says about the product as if it were the gospel truth. They have not tried too many other brands themselves, so they believe they have the best products in the world. Its really amusing to me, to be trained by them and keep a straight face. I manage to do that and I keep my views to myself.

Also this time around I am not trying to tell the customer what they want. I listen to them more and get them what they want. This has resulted in more sales. This time I do not listen to what my counter manager says and I do not push more products on people. I live in the real world and times are hard. People can only buy the product they came in for, nothing extra. They simply don't have the money for it. When people return items, its not that they got the wrong thing or the formula changed or any of the other excuses they give. They need the money back, since they are broke.

When I was younger it seemed nice to have the stores opened late. Now its such a bother. Do people really need to be shopping at 11 pm on the weekend? Really the company could save so much money per year if they closed the stores at 8pm, that is still three hours after people get off work from regular 9 to 5 jobs. If they need to shop later than that, there is always the website.

The things that have changed, I know my own mind. I have my own values and I know how to keep those and work for a company. There is no reason to give those up just to work for someone. When I was younger I didn't know how to balance the two.

Yesterday I was so tired and was at work since they thought they would need the extra help. Earlier in the week a lot of the girls called in sick. Yesterday everyone showed up. It was clear I wasn't needed. After two hours and selling nearly 300.00 worth of products, I could leave or drag my tired body around for another 6 hours. After clearing it with the manager I clocked out, went home ate lunch and took a much needed nap. I feel so much better today. Earning more money was not as important as taking a break. That it why it is better to be older and know what you really need.

Past

In the past in this blog I have said some things about my mother and that we do not talk and I like it that way.

While that is still true and I am not calling her anytime soon. I have been watching a new TV show and the family is a mess and the father a raging alcoholic. The children are all on their own, they are paying the bills and buying the food. I don't feel pity for them, but proud of them, they have been forced to be resourceful. I can see that people like that, when they grow up will not want for anything. They will know how to take care of themselves.


Isn't that what parents are supposed to teach? Isn't the purpose of having kids, to train them to responsible adults? Not to have them hanging around the house at 30 without a job and no motivation to get one.

I'm not suggesting that parents give kids a hard time just to see if they come out on top, but that self-esteem is not the most important thing. In recent surveys American kids are doing horrid in their studies, but all have great self-esteem. They don't know they stink at math. The Asian kids think they need to improve in their math, but have great scores. The insecurity is driving them to keep working, while the American kids are in denial.

What is interesting to me is that every once in a while these theory's come around. Be kind to your kids, don't keep score at games. It sounds a lot like the things Dr Spock said. Funny thing about that, he recanted on all of that later in life. He admitted he was wrong and he raised a generation of brats. No one listened to him when he said it wasn't a crime to discipline your children, all anyone remembers is if you spank your child it will stop them being the genus they should be.

My mother was hard on me and it did help me be a better disciplined person. The reason I am no longer close to her is that it did not stop, there was never a time when she said I did well. Trying to gain her approval was like chasing windmills. I had to leave that in the past.

In the present I can be happy that I am organized and that I am the person I want to be. Sure there are things I still need to work on, but for the most part I feel better about myself, compared to how my mother made me feel. I don't hate my past, I do try to draw on the good qualities it made in me.

Week

In the last week I have gone to three events at South Coast Plaza. It may seem silly, but they do some nice things.

The first was for a lingerie shop that had my favourite champagne and chocolates out along with personal shoppers. It was a great time and we bought some nice things. There was also a gift cert, for a photo shoot and I have yet to look into that.

Since that was a great event, we were very disappointed in Fridays event. The Fashion show was nice and they had dragons in honour of Chinese New Year, they must have spent the bulk of their budget on those dragons. There was not the spread of former years and it was not as fun. I'm not sure if we will give that another try, there was some good discounts so that was nice.

The third event was yesterday and it was not explained to me well enough. At the make-up counter at a great store there was an artist there. After you spent a certain amount and had your make up done, not only did you get the gift but the artist, who does illustrations for major design houses and magazines, did a portrait of you. I would have done that had I known, I did get my make-up done and bought a few things, not enough to get my portrait done. He may not be back, I didn't totally miss out. I asked him to sign a Barbie that is part of the fashion house he does art work for.

Why keep going to this mall for events? Simple, free eats and drinks. These days only a few have the money to keep going out for fabulous evenings. With a little planning I have been able to have a great time and spend just a bit. The lingerie event was fun, even seeing a man buy two gifts one for his wife and one for his 'friend'. Really he is the sucker keeping up two women in expensive gifts.

The other way to help keep up a nice life style on a budget, the Bevmo 5 cent sale. Last weekend I was able to stock up on wines and champagne with out breaking the bank. That sale is going on for a few more weeks, Cheers!

New List

This week I have been doing some boring work on the computer. To help me get through it I have been playing DJ or VJ on You Tube.

Its been a trip down memory lane for sure, but not a pining for youth. It just reminded me of the 80s and how all the bands really were trying for something new and differ ant and not something just marketable. I remember at the time a boy in my class yelling at me that none of the punk bands or alternative bands ever won a Grammy, to which I said "No and they wouldn't want one either."

I am glad to be an adult and I don't want to go back to being a teenager, when I couldn't buy beer and go out at night. I have done a lot as an adult and I don't want to go back, I just loved that time in my life and listening to the radio with all these wonderful bands.

It is also fun to see how much I remember the lyrics and the intonations of the singers voices. Some I haven't listened to in years. It makes me happy. I get that feeling I had when I was young and anything seemed possible. Its better now since I don't have my mother telling me I can't go out or have those albums.

Its has been great and while I live in this century and am not stuck in the 80s, its fun to visit and I have a huge new list of songs that need to go onto my Ipod. There is nothing like some great music to cheer me up every once in a while.

Dreaming

There are certain things I dream about, some are my goals for my writing and others are travel dreams.

This week I was once again a guest at a great hotel in Down Town LA. It felt like I was still dreaming as I woke up and was able to enjoy my surroundings. The staff was quite nice and so attentive as I had my breakfast. It was a great buffet and I was sure to have some fresh fruit and yogurt along with my juice and coffee.

The other delight I had was being so close to the LA Library. I had never been there and as a book lover, what better place to be? I could spend years there. They also had a small gift store and I wanted to buy up all the cute things and other books. I could have spent a lot of money there. I had to hold back.

It was not easy to tear myself away from book heaven, but I did. That was only so I could go to another great spot. I hiked up Grand to MOCA. It was getting late, I did not have time to tour the installation. I went to their gift shop and had fun, again holding back from buying huge art books. Not just for the cost but for the weight and not wanting to drag it down the hill to my hotel.

Later I again swam in the pool, the last time the morning before we left. That night I was treated to so sushi at a local hot spot. Again, was I dreaming? All this because my man was working long hours down town and his boss treated us. Still I have to say it was really great for a girl with out a job.

I woke up this morning not in the lap of luxury, but in my own bed. With a list of chores ahead of me, no more dreaming. Still happy from my vacation of sorts, and the few goodies I picked up along the way. Some of my dreams have come true, and I have still grander dreams to keep me going.

Priceless

In the last two weeks, I have been able to attend a fabulous event and stay in down-town L A.

It has been such a fun time, I didn't know all of this was going to happen a week ago. I have not written on of these blogs in a few weeks, I have been too busy living.

The first event was for a re-naming of the Orange County Performing Arts Center. Now it will be known as the Segerstrom Center for the Arts. There will be a new ballet commissioned and a museum permanently installed. It was a great time with free snacks and mulled wine. I was able to see in person Arnold, the ex-Governor and see how short he really is. That was Priceless.

There was also Cartier champagne being served at the after party. I never pass up some free champagne. Later I learned that, that champagne is not sold only given out as gifts to spacial customers and for certain events. It made it so much more memorable! Also, I had a chance to say hello to Mr. Segerstrom and see the official Governor's ring Arnold gave him. It was bigger than the supper bowl ring.

This week, much to our surprise and delight, my man was invited to take part in a event in down town L. A.,. It was last minute and while he will be working hard I was able to enjoy the hotel a bit last night. It was a landmark hotel that I have seen in films and driven past a number of times. This time I was able to stay there. In the evening under the shadows of the finical buildings that loom above the city, I alone swam in the pool. It was as warm as bath water and I swam laps for about a half hour. The lights that dot the skyline and look like stars were closer, and also office buildings. It seemed silly to be having so much fun, while people were working late all around me.

A group of us went to dine at the top floor restaurant. It was a great diner and everything you would expect from this establishment. The rest of the time I will be home and my man will be working hard in down town. A mini-vacation of sorts, at least for me, not for him.

In all I was able to check off three more items of my list, stay at a hotel in down town LA, and I did want it to be this one. I have always wanted to eat at their top floor restaurant. To swim in the pool of one of these hotels was on the list as well. The cost is mostly being paied by my mans work, the rest, three items in one day....Priceless.