Monday, September 10, 2012


This weekend we were watching the BBC program "The Inbetweeners" it is a show about four teenage boys in England trying and failing to get together with girls. I had seen this before on BBC America and this time I watched it via Netflix. In the Netflix version there is no censorship and the bad words are not taken out. Really? I had no idea that it was so bad to hear the word 'gash' they say that on Sons of Anarchy. Why the need to protect us from some curse words? I know we are a nation that was started by Puritans and for years we had the Hays code that wouldn't let you show a man and woman in bed together. It has messed with our sense of the past. All the Hollywood scrubbed up and squeaky clean movies made people think that no one did anything naughty before the 1960's when things changed in the movies and more nudity and swearing where shown. Now that people can portray the west, with all the prostitutes, as in Hell on Wheels, are we shocked? I suppose the deleted words where to protect young kinds that might watch this show. The funny thing about that is, kids are gross and say really horrid things to each other. The worst things I have ever heard about sex, or private parts were things I heard other kids say in the years of 11 to 13. That is the grades 6 to 8. You just have to wonder what they are worried about. There is a film out of the same characters and the same name. I figure since it is on the big screen they will let us hear curse words, it is rated R. Oh my, are we still such Puritans? They also took out a bit of lace bra that one of the girls had on, on the televised version. It was there on Netflix. I find it amusing that parents think their children are so good and that their sons never say gross and tacky things about women. More puritan beliefs? Does the rest of the world understand that teenage boys are nasty and say tacky things and just people in the US that are in denial? If you want to protect young people, you would have to take them away from each other at school. Right now, mark my words; some teenage boy at school or after school is saying something filthy to his friends. It happens and there is nothing you can do, other than train your child to leave that conversation. Which is fine, and then they will get picked on for being so chaste and not listening to bad language. Comprise, teach young boys to respect women and even if their friends say awful things about women, they are not to treat them badly. Also teach them that the boys that talk the most about girls have the least amount of knowledge. That is pointed out in the story line of this show. Why say that? If they are spending all their time with their guy friends, they have had no time to be with girls in the first place. It might help us all get some perspective.

Monday, February 20, 2012

ten years

In the last ten years I have owned a shop, then had it close. In the last ten years I have also gone to Europe more than once and been the 1st woman to lead the Orange Crush ride. A rally that no longer exists.

In the last ten years I have learned belly dancing and even subbed for my teacher for one of her classes when she couldn't make it. I have gone from a small showcase in the OC to regular spots at a cafe in LA. I have danced in Hollywood and at the Cairo Caravan last year. While this last year has slowed me down some what, my costumes still fit and I can once again feel the need to get out there and shimmy again. Its great for my waist line, and helps me feel sexy and confident.

In the last ten years I have finished my novel, had articles published, and taken up surfing again. It doesn't seem like that long, but in ten years I have packed in a lot of living. Also in the last ten years I have kept the same seats at the symphony.

I have had the goal of being as interesting in life as the characters in novels, I feel I have achieved this. Still one to go out there and dance, in a club or at a concert. Looking back I am so happy I don't have kids, because I have had time to reach a lot of these personal goals. Yes, I have said this before; I would never have had the courage to do all this if I was close to my family.

My sister has been writing me, I don't want to reply. She and my mother have missed out on the last ten years and I have been able to fly. Would I stop now? Not really, I just don't want to go back for more abuse. Instead I will stick to my guns and not let them in, who knows what I will accomplish in the next ten years. Stay tuned.

Monday, December 12, 2011


Last night I went to see "The Artist" a new silent flim set in the late 1920's and early 30's.

This is one of a few depression era flims I have in the last year. The thing is that it is so taboo to say the word 'depression' as if we utter the word things will get worse. The already are worse. There are so many people that are up against the ropes and have little or no way of advancing. Its not just here but in other countries as well.

While the film I saw last night was great and really sweet,it brought home to me what is really going on here. Right now I have my homemade jam in the frig, we now make our own soda, and have a flock of chickens. There is a bottle of make-up remover in my bathroom that has two drops left and I won't throw it out yet.

I have been wasteful in the past but not now. Its not that I don't have nice things or all my shoes have holes in them. Its just that I'm not buying anything new and using everything I have to the last drop.

This year people are getting tamales and cookies from me. Its not that I am really into the holidays. I just want to be nice and generouse and this is all I can do. So can we please say that this is a depression already? Will the stocks crash further if we say it out loud? Maybe if we dare to say it we can stop pretending there is a recovery when there isn't one. In the mean time I may rent out more 1920's and 1930's films to see how they did it the last time....oh yeah the dust bowl era. Time to write a follow up to The Grapes of Wrath.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Great day

Yesterday I had a great day. It was my plan to make tamales and I did that. When I put them to steam I was able to rest a bit in the living room and I thought, this is nice.

I love making food and sharing it with others. It was nice to have all my dogs in the house and they were happy and sleeping. That's one of the great things in life. It was nice to have a break from my work and be at home. Sure its been cold and windy, which made staying home nice.

I have already received some good reviews on my food. Which makes it so much more rewarding. The things I have learned in this depression, is that home made goodies really mean more. While its true I work at the mall, those things that are mass produced mean less than baking or cooking for people.

It doesn't have to be just this time of year. I have been making jam and giving it out in the summer. I made some cookies and gave those out and now the tamales. I am done. Why not share what you have? Since I can get samples I give those to friends and my man takes them to his work and gives them out. This has been going on for months.

All this is a way to get away from all the negativity at work. There have been a couple of women that have been horrid to me. They do not get any of my cookies or tamales. I like finding ways to share and give, if people are nice to me, I will be nice to them.

The same goes for my family. Since they have not been nice to me then I have no reason to be nice to them. I recently found out my mother talks about me, as if we talk every week. In reality we have not spoken in 10 years. This may have gotten back to her, now she is mad. Well if she wasn't a user and didn't always want money and for me to steal from my man and not tell him, then maybe we would be close. At least the person she complained to knows me, and knows she is crazy.

In my little world, I can be happy with helping others and giving my friends gifts. It makes me feel good and I have a great day.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Girls Night

I have felt like an outsider most of my life. As a writer I enjoy watching people and not really getting involved just observing.

This usually is fine, when it hurts is when I am invited to a girls night like last Saturday and I had no one to really talk to and stood around like a nerd. At my age it shouldn't bother me as much. Most of the time I can get away with it and no one notices. At readings I have sat in the back with a drink and it seemed fine.

There are lots of times when I am alone and I really enjoy it, when I dance, surf and read. When I practice in my living room for a performance. Even while I am on stage, I'm alone and it doesn't seem odd.

Being with a group of women, some of whom I have known all my life I was on the outside. While I have been mostly glad to lose a friend, I needed her that night. It was a bummer not to have a side kick to laugh with.

Instead I had to answer questions about my mom. Did I know how she is? Is my sister ok in San Diego? I didn't know she was there. I have not spoken to my family in years. For the most part I like that as well. Needless to say I left that party early. It may have made my mother look like a crazy person. It seems she talks of me all the time, its old news since I haven't spoken to her in more than 10 years.

As I was growning up my mother made sweeping statements about my character. All of which were untrue. I am not comfortable being the friendly one, I like being quite. My father said I would scare easily. I have proved them wrong more times than I care to count. They know nothing of it since I don't share with them, but I know. Its enough. Next time I have a girls night it will be with women I like.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Day off

The last few weeks have been really busy for me at work, by the time I get home I can't do much. Yesterday I had the day off and was able to catch up.

It feels better to have clean clothes ready to use and the bed has clean sheets on again. Sure these are simple things, but they all add up. When I am away I know I have nothing to worry about, since I have things ready to use the next day.

It is also helpful to think about positive things. Since the women at work are still waring. That is the thing about sharks, they like to swim alone. If you put two in a tank they bite.

The other thing I am grateful for was to go to the Vintage Fashion Expo, and find things you can't get in the mall. It was also nice to dress the way I want to. Being in a work uniform can be depressing after a while. Since I am not even allowed to wear the shade of nail polish I want to.

The last thing I am grateful for, is being able to enjoy a nice fall day, check on my chickens and find 6 eggs. If I could do what I want, it would be hanging around the house with all my animals. For now I can be content with seeing them everyday and having "Whole grains" one of my chickens, follow me around like a dog.

Thursday, September 29, 2011


I have been back at my job for three weeks and other than trying to catch my breath, there hasn't been much going on. I keep walking my dogs and taking care of my chickens. Something I don't want to give up, is my time with my pets.

It is difficult to be in an all female work environment. Its not my favorite. A few years back a comic joked that women exaggerate their problems at work. Their co-workers were out to destroy them, and it was silly. He also said that their is one woman at their work that women can't stand.

It may seem that they exaggerate and it made for a good act. I laughed at it as well. Until this week, when I found out one of my co-workers was trying to have her rival fired. She was trying to accuse her of steeling sales. Funny, that is something she does. Instead of working hard, she figured if she got rid of the other sales girl she would get all the sales. Goodness.

I have tried my best to stay out of the fray and not ask too many questions about what happened. As I came back from the stock room, I walked in on the conversation and heard about it. Other than saying I was sorry to hear about that, I have not gone around talking to others at work about this. Its over and there is no need to keep talking about it.

It is scary to think that some one would do this, and I now have to watch my own back. In the mean time, I keep my head down and look after myself. That's the thing, yes people at work can be childish and all. We have to deal with it and then we have to let it go.

Since I stand to make some good commission, I hope to start a savings with it. In taking care of myself I need to plan for my future. Whatever happens at work with these women, it can't stop me from moving forward with my own plans. Today my dogs are walked, my chickens have food and water and some fruit. They are all happy and quite now.