Age and time

With age and time we are supposed to acquire wisdom. Some of us do and others do not. Sometimes its a matter of how much drug use was involved in the younger years. I don't say that for myself, but for others. I have seen family members take an extra 10 years to figure things out.

The things I have learned at this age and with two failed attempts at business, is never to do business with friends. I hate that I have learned that. Not that it isn't true, it is all the expense and time and loss that has happened. It also hurts that now I am so protective of my pocket book. I have always been a generous person, to the extent that I could be. I would have loved to do more. Now with all the losses I have nothing much to give. If I have some food I will share it. I don't want my friends to go hungry.

What is so sad about all this, is that I was perfectly able to say no to my family. I have not talked with my mother for the better part of 10 years and that suits me just fine. If I had been close with her, I would have been guilt tripped in to paying for her life, not mine. I would be in worse shape than I am now.

However I was happy to help two friends and both times it turned our badly. We did not make a profit and it was a waste of time and money. Yes, I feel stupid about it all and while I have learned my lesson it was at a great cost. Some people are just takers and some are givers. My mother is a taker and that's why I'm not around her. These others are takers as well.

I don't want to be bitter and only look out for myself. I just have to be careful and resolve never to enter into business with friends. It has made me more on the alert, and I suppose that is a good thing. I suppose I didn't think my friends would be worse then my family. It has caused me great pain and sleepless nights and I'm glad most of that is behind me. My house could use a lot of work, but we don't have the money to fix it. So for now I am working hard at getting a job. I have to rely on myself and not friends. If I want things, I will have to work for them. It would be nice to see justice and to get some of what was lost, recovered. But at my age and given the time I have waited. Wisdom tells me, "Don't hold your breath!"