Changes

This week has seen big changes in the weather. From the blazing hot this weekend and now cold today. Last weekend the beaches were crowed with families wanting to beat the heat. Of course I was nowhere near the beach. The last place I wanted to be in a crowd.

There have been changes in my job as well. Some are good, most of them, I will just have to wait and see. The most pointed is my attitude. I have to change the way I think about things and that is not easy for me.

A few years ago at another job we all had to read the “Who moved my cheese?” book. In my mind I would like to think that I adjust well. In reality it does take me a while. My ego stops me from looking at how things are, since I want to look who I think it should be. Yes good old denial.

When I get blue, I revert to my daydreams and I play little movies. In these daydreams things come out great and wrap up nicely, I suppose like the wrap of a sitcom. Sure I know deep down that things never wrap up like that and I have never experienced such nice resolutions to my own problems. I just use it as a tool to calm myself down and to regain the optimism I need to keep going.


What kind of daydreams do I have? I dream of the day that I will get the call from a literary agent and they want to take on my book. Another is a meeting with some magazine people about a piece I turned in. There is also the meeting with producers for my script daydream. In all of these I get what I want and my make-up looks great throughout. We won’t go into the Oscar speak daydream, but I have a great dress in that one.

Reality can be so dismal and I have to give myself my own pep talk with these daydreams. The bad part is that my life right resembles none of this and I still have to do the dishes and feed the dogs and run errands for the shop I work at.

I have achieved some of my dreams, and I hope to see others through to fruition. I do this by watching movies about writers, where they get what they want in the end. I read books about the publishing world and this weekend I am going to meet lots of writers at the Festival of Books at UCLA. This will help my soul, to met writers that have made it. I also attend readings in LA from time to time. This also helps me to see that my daydreams are not just total pipe dreams. If I didn’t use the daydreams as a buffer from the real world, I might not have the courage to make change.