Sometimes its hard to move on with your goals and dreams. In the last few years I have had this blog and a handful of articles I have written.
There is also my novel that is yet unpublished. Sure I could have self-published years ago. I would have spent 2,000.00 on getting that done and may have made my money back with a bit extra.
Sometimes it feels feudal to still have the same goals and dreams, but no one ever won by quiting. There is the Festival of Books coming up, something I plan my year around. Yes its "book worms unite" for the weekend at UCLA. I plan on buying a nice big coffee table book again. As I get older I really want the art books I couldn't afford when I was in my 20's.
It makes me feel happy to see all the people that love books there selling and buying all these things that have taken people years to get off the ground. Yes it fills me with hope.
Since I also love to read, it so much fun to see what other minds have come up with. In some ways that's the biggest thrill. All the books in the books stores and library's are filled with ideas some one else had. Sometimes there are more than one idea form one writer. When I see books its like looking at a well planned garden with a sea of flowers. All showing off for us.
Ok, maybe that's over stating it a bit. I just enjoy and like to celebrate others creativity. What did this one say or do, how did they find a way to express themselves? It never gets boring. In that spirit, I have to keep moving on to my goals and dreams.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Sit-com families
In TV shows there is this idea that friends will be together forever. On the show Friends, it didn't happen and it doesn't happen in real life. In the shows its hard to think that after every one has slept with each other they will still be friends.
In the past some of my girl friends have disappointed me in ways I never thought. One girl friend was so prideful and wouldn't have me question her husband. She thought he was so great and always right. She learned that he wasn't, but by that time our friendship was over. I knew it was going to end things, but I had to speak up. At that time she was just spinning out of control with her obsession over something that had happened 2 years before that. I couldn't listen anymore and by this point she was just thinking others were holding something against her husband, um no everyone else has moved on, and what if he was wrong? That is what I had to say and she flipped.
Another ended up leaving her husband and is remarried to a man that was close to her family, its like she married her uncle. I have seen this new couple, but they are so creepy. She has a father complex and wanted her father to take better care of her after her mother died. It never happened and both her husbands have been older than herself. The first was a user and thought her family was loaded and he wouldn't have to work much. That didn't happen and she didn't get the life his first wife had, going to Nordie's all the time.
I used to be so close to these two, but they freaked out and I am no longer friends with them. It makes me wonder, if I can't stand these women how do these men feel? No wonder they can't keep their marriages going they can't even be friends very well. Some days I miss them and want to give them a call. I can't there isn't that close bond anymore.
The other thing I wonder is what will I be like in ten years? What if the few friends I have are not there? I can feel that I am becoming bitter towards women. I am very careful what I say to the women at my work. I am not their buddy, I am nice but I don't tell them too much. I sit and watch them, and for the most part they are not nice and they steal sales and are tacky. For the most part I eat lunch alone, I don't care that they don't ask me to go on break with them.
Am I going to be this old woman by herself with tons of dogs and no friends? Neither of these women wanted me to be honest with them. They wanted me to go along with their daydreams and I just couldn't. I can't go along with the fairly tail of the Sit-Com's that they will be friends forever and I couldn't keep listening to them go on and on about some daydreams that aren't real. The Sit-Com families are not real, and I like to live in the real world. No wonder I am better friends with men than women, I can be blunt with them and they might get mad, but then tell me I was right to say something.
As for the future, I have been reconnecting with some of my girlfriends. One helped be my muse the other day and got me on a new writing project. I was so grateful to her and burst out into tears, I didn't know how much I needed to talk to her. I don't want to be a bitter old woman with no friends. Of course I will have to learn French so when I retire to the south of France I can still have friends.
In the past some of my girl friends have disappointed me in ways I never thought. One girl friend was so prideful and wouldn't have me question her husband. She thought he was so great and always right. She learned that he wasn't, but by that time our friendship was over. I knew it was going to end things, but I had to speak up. At that time she was just spinning out of control with her obsession over something that had happened 2 years before that. I couldn't listen anymore and by this point she was just thinking others were holding something against her husband, um no everyone else has moved on, and what if he was wrong? That is what I had to say and she flipped.
Another ended up leaving her husband and is remarried to a man that was close to her family, its like she married her uncle. I have seen this new couple, but they are so creepy. She has a father complex and wanted her father to take better care of her after her mother died. It never happened and both her husbands have been older than herself. The first was a user and thought her family was loaded and he wouldn't have to work much. That didn't happen and she didn't get the life his first wife had, going to Nordie's all the time.
I used to be so close to these two, but they freaked out and I am no longer friends with them. It makes me wonder, if I can't stand these women how do these men feel? No wonder they can't keep their marriages going they can't even be friends very well. Some days I miss them and want to give them a call. I can't there isn't that close bond anymore.
The other thing I wonder is what will I be like in ten years? What if the few friends I have are not there? I can feel that I am becoming bitter towards women. I am very careful what I say to the women at my work. I am not their buddy, I am nice but I don't tell them too much. I sit and watch them, and for the most part they are not nice and they steal sales and are tacky. For the most part I eat lunch alone, I don't care that they don't ask me to go on break with them.
Am I going to be this old woman by herself with tons of dogs and no friends? Neither of these women wanted me to be honest with them. They wanted me to go along with their daydreams and I just couldn't. I can't go along with the fairly tail of the Sit-Com's that they will be friends forever and I couldn't keep listening to them go on and on about some daydreams that aren't real. The Sit-Com families are not real, and I like to live in the real world. No wonder I am better friends with men than women, I can be blunt with them and they might get mad, but then tell me I was right to say something.
As for the future, I have been reconnecting with some of my girlfriends. One helped be my muse the other day and got me on a new writing project. I was so grateful to her and burst out into tears, I didn't know how much I needed to talk to her. I don't want to be a bitter old woman with no friends. Of course I will have to learn French so when I retire to the south of France I can still have friends.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Trying
In the last month I have started a new job, this has had its ups and downs. While I am grateful to have a job. I keep reading how the worst places to get a job are in my own back yard. I have to remind myself of that when I want to hit people over the head, when they are being annoying.
The other thing that has been helping is having the paycheck. I have bought myself some fun boots and some work shoes. I don't have to ask my man for money to get my nails done, since I have my own.
One of the other benefits, having money and days off in the middle of the week to have lunch with my girlfriends. I connected with one earlier this week, it felt really great and I didn't know how much I had missed her. Now that I have a job and I have some money, we can make this a more regular event. She even inspired me to a new project.
The other day at work I was told to go to a second sales seminar, we all were told this. It helped a lot, I had been focusing on personalities of my co-workers and things I don't like about them. In truth some of the girls are very ghetto, and I don't mean anything about their ethnicity, but the urban equivalent of being 'born in a barn'. No manners, no class.
I would be lying if I said I didn't mess around and play at work when I was 19. It was only the week my manager was on vacation. We did get loud, and I felt bad right away. The difference is that even a much older women joined in the antics, didn't stop it and there was tons of customers around. When I was 19 we just ran done the escalator and laughed loud. It wasn't a good thing, but as soon as we saw some of the other managers we straighten up.
I really don't want to be the older lady saying that the younger generation is rubbish and all, they make it too easy. Talking about how much they drank the night before and when they were constipated. Things I really don't want to know.
Instead I try to look at the things I have control of, my own customer service. I have mentioned to my friends that I do things my own way and not the company way. Still I get lots of sales. They want customers to buy everything, um I live in the real world, people are still broke. Filling up my tank yesterday and I am spending twice as much as a few years ago. Good thing my job is close to home.
In all I am trying to adjust to the new job, it is better to have a place to go to. A reason to get up and get dressed. Last year I had to deal with feeling useless and bored at home. Sure none of it is really easy, at least I can help my family.
The other thing that has been helping is having the paycheck. I have bought myself some fun boots and some work shoes. I don't have to ask my man for money to get my nails done, since I have my own.
One of the other benefits, having money and days off in the middle of the week to have lunch with my girlfriends. I connected with one earlier this week, it felt really great and I didn't know how much I had missed her. Now that I have a job and I have some money, we can make this a more regular event. She even inspired me to a new project.
The other day at work I was told to go to a second sales seminar, we all were told this. It helped a lot, I had been focusing on personalities of my co-workers and things I don't like about them. In truth some of the girls are very ghetto, and I don't mean anything about their ethnicity, but the urban equivalent of being 'born in a barn'. No manners, no class.
I would be lying if I said I didn't mess around and play at work when I was 19. It was only the week my manager was on vacation. We did get loud, and I felt bad right away. The difference is that even a much older women joined in the antics, didn't stop it and there was tons of customers around. When I was 19 we just ran done the escalator and laughed loud. It wasn't a good thing, but as soon as we saw some of the other managers we straighten up.
I really don't want to be the older lady saying that the younger generation is rubbish and all, they make it too easy. Talking about how much they drank the night before and when they were constipated. Things I really don't want to know.
Instead I try to look at the things I have control of, my own customer service. I have mentioned to my friends that I do things my own way and not the company way. Still I get lots of sales. They want customers to buy everything, um I live in the real world, people are still broke. Filling up my tank yesterday and I am spending twice as much as a few years ago. Good thing my job is close to home.
In all I am trying to adjust to the new job, it is better to have a place to go to. A reason to get up and get dressed. Last year I had to deal with feeling useless and bored at home. Sure none of it is really easy, at least I can help my family.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
This time
I have been working at a new job, the thing is its the same job I had when I was first working. We like to think as we get older, we get wiser. What has changed and what has stayed the same? Will I get it right this time?
This time around I am doing things much differently. When I was younger I spent a lot of money eating at restaurants. This time I bring my own lunch. Not only does it save money, I'm not running around spending my lunch hour chasing down fast food. Instead I eat, put my feet up and relax.
When I was younger the company people tried to intimated me into only using their products. While I have tried the new line I am working for, I don't care for it. I will use the brands I love and use the commission I earn to get what I want. The company people want me to dress a certain way for work. Fine, I can do that, but I will wear my Dr. Martin's shoes, for comfort and style.
The things that are the same, women really don't want to change. Especially older women. When they come into the store they want the girls to confirm that they are right. Some will say they want a new lipstick color but really that is just
an excuse to have some one pay attention to them. They end up buying pretty much the same color. Younger women will change colors, after 55 they buy the same color for the next 10 years.
Some older women feel that the prices are too high at department stores and instead of going to the drug store they feel the can beg for free samples or steal testers, as a way to compensate for all the money they just spent. They always pretend they don't understand or are confused as to the difference between testers and free gifts, as if they are one and the same. Its still stealing lady.
Some older ladies that use the most expensive face creams, they use it sparingly all year. They then come in and don't remember the name of the product. They expect me to remember them and their one purchase for the year. Sorry crazy lady if you don't know the name on the jar you have been looking at all year, how do you expect me to?
The younger girls that work for the company are bought and sold by them and believe everything the company says about the product as if it were the gospel truth. They have not tried too many other brands themselves, so they believe they have the best products in the world. Its really amusing to me, to be trained by them and keep a straight face. I manage to do that and I keep my views to myself.
Also this time around I am not trying to tell the customer what they want. I listen to them more and get them what they want. This has resulted in more sales. This time I do not listen to what my counter manager says and I do not push more products on people. I live in the real world and times are hard. People can only buy the product they came in for, nothing extra. They simply don't have the money for it. When people return items, its not that they got the wrong thing or the formula changed or any of the other excuses they give. They need the money back, since they are broke.
When I was younger it seemed nice to have the stores opened late. Now its such a bother. Do people really need to be shopping at 11 pm on the weekend? Really the company could save so much money per year if they closed the stores at 8pm, that is still three hours after people get off work from regular 9 to 5 jobs. If they need to shop later than that, there is always the website.
The things that have changed, I know my own mind. I have my own values and I know how to keep those and work for a company. There is no reason to give those up just to work for someone. When I was younger I didn't know how to balance the two.
Yesterday I was so tired and was at work since they thought they would need the extra help. Earlier in the week a lot of the girls called in sick. Yesterday everyone showed up. It was clear I wasn't needed. After two hours and selling nearly 300.00 worth of products, I could leave or drag my tired body around for another 6 hours. After clearing it with the manager I clocked out, went home ate lunch and took a much needed nap. I feel so much better today. Earning more money was not as important as taking a break. That it why it is better to be older and know what you really need.
This time around I am doing things much differently. When I was younger I spent a lot of money eating at restaurants. This time I bring my own lunch. Not only does it save money, I'm not running around spending my lunch hour chasing down fast food. Instead I eat, put my feet up and relax.
When I was younger the company people tried to intimated me into only using their products. While I have tried the new line I am working for, I don't care for it. I will use the brands I love and use the commission I earn to get what I want. The company people want me to dress a certain way for work. Fine, I can do that, but I will wear my Dr. Martin's shoes, for comfort and style.
The things that are the same, women really don't want to change. Especially older women. When they come into the store they want the girls to confirm that they are right. Some will say they want a new lipstick color but really that is just
an excuse to have some one pay attention to them. They end up buying pretty much the same color. Younger women will change colors, after 55 they buy the same color for the next 10 years.
Some older women feel that the prices are too high at department stores and instead of going to the drug store they feel the can beg for free samples or steal testers, as a way to compensate for all the money they just spent. They always pretend they don't understand or are confused as to the difference between testers and free gifts, as if they are one and the same. Its still stealing lady.
Some older ladies that use the most expensive face creams, they use it sparingly all year. They then come in and don't remember the name of the product. They expect me to remember them and their one purchase for the year. Sorry crazy lady if you don't know the name on the jar you have been looking at all year, how do you expect me to?
The younger girls that work for the company are bought and sold by them and believe everything the company says about the product as if it were the gospel truth. They have not tried too many other brands themselves, so they believe they have the best products in the world. Its really amusing to me, to be trained by them and keep a straight face. I manage to do that and I keep my views to myself.
Also this time around I am not trying to tell the customer what they want. I listen to them more and get them what they want. This has resulted in more sales. This time I do not listen to what my counter manager says and I do not push more products on people. I live in the real world and times are hard. People can only buy the product they came in for, nothing extra. They simply don't have the money for it. When people return items, its not that they got the wrong thing or the formula changed or any of the other excuses they give. They need the money back, since they are broke.
When I was younger it seemed nice to have the stores opened late. Now its such a bother. Do people really need to be shopping at 11 pm on the weekend? Really the company could save so much money per year if they closed the stores at 8pm, that is still three hours after people get off work from regular 9 to 5 jobs. If they need to shop later than that, there is always the website.
The things that have changed, I know my own mind. I have my own values and I know how to keep those and work for a company. There is no reason to give those up just to work for someone. When I was younger I didn't know how to balance the two.
Yesterday I was so tired and was at work since they thought they would need the extra help. Earlier in the week a lot of the girls called in sick. Yesterday everyone showed up. It was clear I wasn't needed. After two hours and selling nearly 300.00 worth of products, I could leave or drag my tired body around for another 6 hours. After clearing it with the manager I clocked out, went home ate lunch and took a much needed nap. I feel so much better today. Earning more money was not as important as taking a break. That it why it is better to be older and know what you really need.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Past
In the past in this blog I have said some things about my mother and that we do not talk and I like it that way.
While that is still true and I am not calling her anytime soon. I have been watching a new TV show and the family is a mess and the father a raging alcoholic. The children are all on their own, they are paying the bills and buying the food. I don't feel pity for them, but proud of them, they have been forced to be resourceful. I can see that people like that, when they grow up will not want for anything. They will know how to take care of themselves.
Isn't that what parents are supposed to teach? Isn't the purpose of having kids, to train them to responsible adults? Not to have them hanging around the house at 30 without a job and no motivation to get one.
I'm not suggesting that parents give kids a hard time just to see if they come out on top, but that self-esteem is not the most important thing. In recent surveys American kids are doing horrid in their studies, but all have great self-esteem. They don't know they stink at math. The Asian kids think they need to improve in their math, but have great scores. The insecurity is driving them to keep working, while the American kids are in denial.
What is interesting to me is that every once in a while these theory's come around. Be kind to your kids, don't keep score at games. It sounds a lot like the things Dr Spock said. Funny thing about that, he recanted on all of that later in life. He admitted he was wrong and he raised a generation of brats. No one listened to him when he said it wasn't a crime to discipline your children, all anyone remembers is if you spank your child it will stop them being the genus they should be.
My mother was hard on me and it did help me be a better disciplined person. The reason I am no longer close to her is that it did not stop, there was never a time when she said I did well. Trying to gain her approval was like chasing windmills. I had to leave that in the past.
In the present I can be happy that I am organized and that I am the person I want to be. Sure there are things I still need to work on, but for the most part I feel better about myself, compared to how my mother made me feel. I don't hate my past, I do try to draw on the good qualities it made in me.
While that is still true and I am not calling her anytime soon. I have been watching a new TV show and the family is a mess and the father a raging alcoholic. The children are all on their own, they are paying the bills and buying the food. I don't feel pity for them, but proud of them, they have been forced to be resourceful. I can see that people like that, when they grow up will not want for anything. They will know how to take care of themselves.
Isn't that what parents are supposed to teach? Isn't the purpose of having kids, to train them to responsible adults? Not to have them hanging around the house at 30 without a job and no motivation to get one.
I'm not suggesting that parents give kids a hard time just to see if they come out on top, but that self-esteem is not the most important thing. In recent surveys American kids are doing horrid in their studies, but all have great self-esteem. They don't know they stink at math. The Asian kids think they need to improve in their math, but have great scores. The insecurity is driving them to keep working, while the American kids are in denial.
What is interesting to me is that every once in a while these theory's come around. Be kind to your kids, don't keep score at games. It sounds a lot like the things Dr Spock said. Funny thing about that, he recanted on all of that later in life. He admitted he was wrong and he raised a generation of brats. No one listened to him when he said it wasn't a crime to discipline your children, all anyone remembers is if you spank your child it will stop them being the genus they should be.
My mother was hard on me and it did help me be a better disciplined person. The reason I am no longer close to her is that it did not stop, there was never a time when she said I did well. Trying to gain her approval was like chasing windmills. I had to leave that in the past.
In the present I can be happy that I am organized and that I am the person I want to be. Sure there are things I still need to work on, but for the most part I feel better about myself, compared to how my mother made me feel. I don't hate my past, I do try to draw on the good qualities it made in me.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Week
In the last week I have gone to three events at South Coast Plaza. It may seem silly, but they do some nice things.
The first was for a lingerie shop that had my favourite champagne and chocolates out along with personal shoppers. It was a great time and we bought some nice things. There was also a gift cert, for a photo shoot and I have yet to look into that.
Since that was a great event, we were very disappointed in Fridays event. The Fashion show was nice and they had dragons in honour of Chinese New Year, they must have spent the bulk of their budget on those dragons. There was not the spread of former years and it was not as fun. I'm not sure if we will give that another try, there was some good discounts so that was nice.
The third event was yesterday and it was not explained to me well enough. At the make-up counter at a great store there was an artist there. After you spent a certain amount and had your make up done, not only did you get the gift but the artist, who does illustrations for major design houses and magazines, did a portrait of you. I would have done that had I known, I did get my make-up done and bought a few things, not enough to get my portrait done. He may not be back, I didn't totally miss out. I asked him to sign a Barbie that is part of the fashion house he does art work for.
Why keep going to this mall for events? Simple, free eats and drinks. These days only a few have the money to keep going out for fabulous evenings. With a little planning I have been able to have a great time and spend just a bit. The lingerie event was fun, even seeing a man buy two gifts one for his wife and one for his 'friend'. Really he is the sucker keeping up two women in expensive gifts.
The other way to help keep up a nice life style on a budget, the Bevmo 5 cent sale. Last weekend I was able to stock up on wines and champagne with out breaking the bank. That sale is going on for a few more weeks, Cheers!
The first was for a lingerie shop that had my favourite champagne and chocolates out along with personal shoppers. It was a great time and we bought some nice things. There was also a gift cert, for a photo shoot and I have yet to look into that.
Since that was a great event, we were very disappointed in Fridays event. The Fashion show was nice and they had dragons in honour of Chinese New Year, they must have spent the bulk of their budget on those dragons. There was not the spread of former years and it was not as fun. I'm not sure if we will give that another try, there was some good discounts so that was nice.
The third event was yesterday and it was not explained to me well enough. At the make-up counter at a great store there was an artist there. After you spent a certain amount and had your make up done, not only did you get the gift but the artist, who does illustrations for major design houses and magazines, did a portrait of you. I would have done that had I known, I did get my make-up done and bought a few things, not enough to get my portrait done. He may not be back, I didn't totally miss out. I asked him to sign a Barbie that is part of the fashion house he does art work for.
Why keep going to this mall for events? Simple, free eats and drinks. These days only a few have the money to keep going out for fabulous evenings. With a little planning I have been able to have a great time and spend just a bit. The lingerie event was fun, even seeing a man buy two gifts one for his wife and one for his 'friend'. Really he is the sucker keeping up two women in expensive gifts.
The other way to help keep up a nice life style on a budget, the Bevmo 5 cent sale. Last weekend I was able to stock up on wines and champagne with out breaking the bank. That sale is going on for a few more weeks, Cheers!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
New List
This week I have been doing some boring work on the computer. To help me get through it I have been playing DJ or VJ on You Tube.
Its been a trip down memory lane for sure, but not a pining for youth. It just reminded me of the 80s and how all the bands really were trying for something new and differ ant and not something just marketable. I remember at the time a boy in my class yelling at me that none of the punk bands or alternative bands ever won a Grammy, to which I said "No and they wouldn't want one either."
I am glad to be an adult and I don't want to go back to being a teenager, when I couldn't buy beer and go out at night. I have done a lot as an adult and I don't want to go back, I just loved that time in my life and listening to the radio with all these wonderful bands.
It is also fun to see how much I remember the lyrics and the intonations of the singers voices. Some I haven't listened to in years. It makes me happy. I get that feeling I had when I was young and anything seemed possible. Its better now since I don't have my mother telling me I can't go out or have those albums.
Its has been great and while I live in this century and am not stuck in the 80s, its fun to visit and I have a huge new list of songs that need to go onto my Ipod. There is nothing like some great music to cheer me up every once in a while.
Its been a trip down memory lane for sure, but not a pining for youth. It just reminded me of the 80s and how all the bands really were trying for something new and differ ant and not something just marketable. I remember at the time a boy in my class yelling at me that none of the punk bands or alternative bands ever won a Grammy, to which I said "No and they wouldn't want one either."
I am glad to be an adult and I don't want to go back to being a teenager, when I couldn't buy beer and go out at night. I have done a lot as an adult and I don't want to go back, I just loved that time in my life and listening to the radio with all these wonderful bands.
It is also fun to see how much I remember the lyrics and the intonations of the singers voices. Some I haven't listened to in years. It makes me happy. I get that feeling I had when I was young and anything seemed possible. Its better now since I don't have my mother telling me I can't go out or have those albums.
Its has been great and while I live in this century and am not stuck in the 80s, its fun to visit and I have a huge new list of songs that need to go onto my Ipod. There is nothing like some great music to cheer me up every once in a while.
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