While I am not close to my family and not a slave to made-up holidays, I do think of them from time to time.
Recently I was able to get my scooter up and running again. It makes me so happy and I can't wait to start taking her 'Sam' to work. Not only is it better for my pocket book, its fun.
There is a Scooter Exhibit I will go to see soon. The other thing I want to do it take my board out and go surfing. These are thought of as 'guy' things. That being said I have many girlfriends that share these interests.
My sister and I wanted our father's approval. Being children of divorce it was important that he showed interest in our hobbies. Yes it is important for all children, we just became more needy since he had already left. Which made us feel that he didn't love us.
My sister was always trying to gain his approval by doing well in sports. She did take to sports like a fish to water. For myself it was much more difficult. In my adult years I have pursued interest that would please him, scooters, motorcycle's, surfing. The thing is he doesn't know since we don't talk. In a strange way I have become the kind of son he always wanted.
The things I learned from my dad were not positive, the thing I inherited for him was my sense of humor and direction. For that I am grateful.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Light
It may seem silly to others, not artist,to think that when it comes to work there needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel. What do I mean? Thanks to opera's like La Bohemia us artist are supposed to live on nothing more than wine and baguette of bread and our love for our work. Love interest is there too and that feeds us more than money ever could.
It seems silly, but we do sort of have that in our minds, as if we can swan in and out of doors with a great cape on and never worry about getting the money to buy that cape. As it is I do have a cape that reaches the floor and has a hood. I bought it years ago at Nordies Rack. Now I have that covered.
For work I have a nice parka that I use on raining days. Its lined and keeps me warm, the younger kids I work with envy me, and my parka. It didn't occur to me at first, then it hit me. They are still in tiny sweaters and don't have the money to buy a nice coat yet. That's the difference when you are older, you have the things you need already.
While its great to have the wardrobe I need, as an artist its hard to think about going into work day in and day out for years. There has to be a light at then end of the tunnel. One day my books will sell and I can stay home do the things I like, drink wine, write and yes swan into a room with my cape. To think about working at my job till retirement seems like a prison sentence. Maybe that's why I need to dance, write and surf to feel like myself again on the days I am not at work. I suppose that is the free spirit in me. The gypsy that comes out to play when I put on my belly dance costume, with its tasseled bra and gold trimmed skirt. And then the light comes up on stage and I am standing front and center. Cue the music.
It seems silly, but we do sort of have that in our minds, as if we can swan in and out of doors with a great cape on and never worry about getting the money to buy that cape. As it is I do have a cape that reaches the floor and has a hood. I bought it years ago at Nordies Rack. Now I have that covered.
For work I have a nice parka that I use on raining days. Its lined and keeps me warm, the younger kids I work with envy me, and my parka. It didn't occur to me at first, then it hit me. They are still in tiny sweaters and don't have the money to buy a nice coat yet. That's the difference when you are older, you have the things you need already.
While its great to have the wardrobe I need, as an artist its hard to think about going into work day in and day out for years. There has to be a light at then end of the tunnel. One day my books will sell and I can stay home do the things I like, drink wine, write and yes swan into a room with my cape. To think about working at my job till retirement seems like a prison sentence. Maybe that's why I need to dance, write and surf to feel like myself again on the days I am not at work. I suppose that is the free spirit in me. The gypsy that comes out to play when I put on my belly dance costume, with its tasseled bra and gold trimmed skirt. And then the light comes up on stage and I am standing front and center. Cue the music.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Out on the town
Last night a went to an event in LA, Hollywood to be exact. While the show I went to was great, just being out on the town and not at home was a nice departure.
How can you really tell you are in Hollywood? Not just the address you are at. The graffiti in the ladies room was people's my space accounts and websites for the launch of their albums. Who said advertising is dead?
That waitress was happy about the event next door, since all the ladies dress up nicely. That is really something since around that area I would figure people should "put on the dog", as a matter of course.
Also the industry types are there. Not the creative types that dress well. The ones that think they are creative but are really the agents or others that help the creative types. You can tell by the clothes they wear. True fans of this artist dress in sync with the artist. Lady Ga Ga fans line up in drag or glam rocker out-fits, or even their own version of her video looks. For this crowd retro glam and rockabilly girls are the looks to have.
The industry types worn sports coats and men's neck scarfs, with Beret's. That would be better suited for a reading at the LA Public Library. Its and artsy look for the literary crowd. For this show it was all wrong, as was the home-made gold lame turban sported in that same area.
Now I am off to a book signing. I don't have to dress up for that since it will be the college kids that don't have any money and dress in Old Navy and back packs. I could be wrong. Out on the town again.
How can you really tell you are in Hollywood? Not just the address you are at. The graffiti in the ladies room was people's my space accounts and websites for the launch of their albums. Who said advertising is dead?
That waitress was happy about the event next door, since all the ladies dress up nicely. That is really something since around that area I would figure people should "put on the dog", as a matter of course.
Also the industry types are there. Not the creative types that dress well. The ones that think they are creative but are really the agents or others that help the creative types. You can tell by the clothes they wear. True fans of this artist dress in sync with the artist. Lady Ga Ga fans line up in drag or glam rocker out-fits, or even their own version of her video looks. For this crowd retro glam and rockabilly girls are the looks to have.
The industry types worn sports coats and men's neck scarfs, with Beret's. That would be better suited for a reading at the LA Public Library. Its and artsy look for the literary crowd. For this show it was all wrong, as was the home-made gold lame turban sported in that same area.
Now I am off to a book signing. I don't have to dress up for that since it will be the college kids that don't have any money and dress in Old Navy and back packs. I could be wrong. Out on the town again.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Grown-up
As a child I was in awe of grown-ups. I figured my teachers where these great women who knew everything. That was before I knew about teachers editions. It may have been more of my denial. Since I was a child of divorce, my coping mechanism was to think things were just fine.
Even so, a lot of young ones feel that the grown-ups know everything. They certainly know more than we did as children. As we get older and figure out that there is some one running the controls and Toto has opened the curtain on that man, we find less things fill us with awe.
One of the most surprising things to me, is grown-up that act like children or at best teenagers. Work places are full of this. In my currant job, an all female environment, not my favorite and full of childish behaviour is a prime example.
When people tell each other to 'get a life' they mean just that. A job is a job, not a life calling. In today's job market the top sellers get the management positions. It doesn't go to the one that are most qualified to be a manager. Some managers don't have a life and obese about things that are not that important. It wouldn't seem like such a big deal if they had a life.
In an article about bad managers, the writer mentioned that people who bully or exhibit bad behaviour are trying to control things in one part of their life, while other parts are out of control. Again, 'get a life', can be said here.
What to do when grown-ups are not being adult and mature? For myself, I will not lower myself to yell at work. Nor will I gossip about it to everyone. Which is why I don't use my real name, or the name of my place of employment.
As it is, I have a life. There are so many other things for me to do when I have a day off. There is the farmers market on Thursday's in the summer, the symphony I have tickets to. Other things coming up,such as the Hollywood Forever Cemetery screenings. There are things I need to accomplish with my work, and it helps to stay focused on that and not the personality's of the co-workers. If others do not act grown-up around you, it is no reason to throw in the towel, and lay on the floor and kicking and screaming with them.
Even so, a lot of young ones feel that the grown-ups know everything. They certainly know more than we did as children. As we get older and figure out that there is some one running the controls and Toto has opened the curtain on that man, we find less things fill us with awe.
One of the most surprising things to me, is grown-up that act like children or at best teenagers. Work places are full of this. In my currant job, an all female environment, not my favorite and full of childish behaviour is a prime example.
When people tell each other to 'get a life' they mean just that. A job is a job, not a life calling. In today's job market the top sellers get the management positions. It doesn't go to the one that are most qualified to be a manager. Some managers don't have a life and obese about things that are not that important. It wouldn't seem like such a big deal if they had a life.
In an article about bad managers, the writer mentioned that people who bully or exhibit bad behaviour are trying to control things in one part of their life, while other parts are out of control. Again, 'get a life', can be said here.
What to do when grown-ups are not being adult and mature? For myself, I will not lower myself to yell at work. Nor will I gossip about it to everyone. Which is why I don't use my real name, or the name of my place of employment.
As it is, I have a life. There are so many other things for me to do when I have a day off. There is the farmers market on Thursday's in the summer, the symphony I have tickets to. Other things coming up,such as the Hollywood Forever Cemetery screenings. There are things I need to accomplish with my work, and it helps to stay focused on that and not the personality's of the co-workers. If others do not act grown-up around you, it is no reason to throw in the towel, and lay on the floor and kicking and screaming with them.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Moving on
Sometimes its hard to move on with your goals and dreams. In the last few years I have had this blog and a handful of articles I have written.
There is also my novel that is yet unpublished. Sure I could have self-published years ago. I would have spent 2,000.00 on getting that done and may have made my money back with a bit extra.
Sometimes it feels feudal to still have the same goals and dreams, but no one ever won by quiting. There is the Festival of Books coming up, something I plan my year around. Yes its "book worms unite" for the weekend at UCLA. I plan on buying a nice big coffee table book again. As I get older I really want the art books I couldn't afford when I was in my 20's.
It makes me feel happy to see all the people that love books there selling and buying all these things that have taken people years to get off the ground. Yes it fills me with hope.
Since I also love to read, it so much fun to see what other minds have come up with. In some ways that's the biggest thrill. All the books in the books stores and library's are filled with ideas some one else had. Sometimes there are more than one idea form one writer. When I see books its like looking at a well planned garden with a sea of flowers. All showing off for us.
Ok, maybe that's over stating it a bit. I just enjoy and like to celebrate others creativity. What did this one say or do, how did they find a way to express themselves? It never gets boring. In that spirit, I have to keep moving on to my goals and dreams.
There is also my novel that is yet unpublished. Sure I could have self-published years ago. I would have spent 2,000.00 on getting that done and may have made my money back with a bit extra.
Sometimes it feels feudal to still have the same goals and dreams, but no one ever won by quiting. There is the Festival of Books coming up, something I plan my year around. Yes its "book worms unite" for the weekend at UCLA. I plan on buying a nice big coffee table book again. As I get older I really want the art books I couldn't afford when I was in my 20's.
It makes me feel happy to see all the people that love books there selling and buying all these things that have taken people years to get off the ground. Yes it fills me with hope.
Since I also love to read, it so much fun to see what other minds have come up with. In some ways that's the biggest thrill. All the books in the books stores and library's are filled with ideas some one else had. Sometimes there are more than one idea form one writer. When I see books its like looking at a well planned garden with a sea of flowers. All showing off for us.
Ok, maybe that's over stating it a bit. I just enjoy and like to celebrate others creativity. What did this one say or do, how did they find a way to express themselves? It never gets boring. In that spirit, I have to keep moving on to my goals and dreams.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Sit-com families
In TV shows there is this idea that friends will be together forever. On the show Friends, it didn't happen and it doesn't happen in real life. In the shows its hard to think that after every one has slept with each other they will still be friends.
In the past some of my girl friends have disappointed me in ways I never thought. One girl friend was so prideful and wouldn't have me question her husband. She thought he was so great and always right. She learned that he wasn't, but by that time our friendship was over. I knew it was going to end things, but I had to speak up. At that time she was just spinning out of control with her obsession over something that had happened 2 years before that. I couldn't listen anymore and by this point she was just thinking others were holding something against her husband, um no everyone else has moved on, and what if he was wrong? That is what I had to say and she flipped.
Another ended up leaving her husband and is remarried to a man that was close to her family, its like she married her uncle. I have seen this new couple, but they are so creepy. She has a father complex and wanted her father to take better care of her after her mother died. It never happened and both her husbands have been older than herself. The first was a user and thought her family was loaded and he wouldn't have to work much. That didn't happen and she didn't get the life his first wife had, going to Nordie's all the time.
I used to be so close to these two, but they freaked out and I am no longer friends with them. It makes me wonder, if I can't stand these women how do these men feel? No wonder they can't keep their marriages going they can't even be friends very well. Some days I miss them and want to give them a call. I can't there isn't that close bond anymore.
The other thing I wonder is what will I be like in ten years? What if the few friends I have are not there? I can feel that I am becoming bitter towards women. I am very careful what I say to the women at my work. I am not their buddy, I am nice but I don't tell them too much. I sit and watch them, and for the most part they are not nice and they steal sales and are tacky. For the most part I eat lunch alone, I don't care that they don't ask me to go on break with them.
Am I going to be this old woman by herself with tons of dogs and no friends? Neither of these women wanted me to be honest with them. They wanted me to go along with their daydreams and I just couldn't. I can't go along with the fairly tail of the Sit-Com's that they will be friends forever and I couldn't keep listening to them go on and on about some daydreams that aren't real. The Sit-Com families are not real, and I like to live in the real world. No wonder I am better friends with men than women, I can be blunt with them and they might get mad, but then tell me I was right to say something.
As for the future, I have been reconnecting with some of my girlfriends. One helped be my muse the other day and got me on a new writing project. I was so grateful to her and burst out into tears, I didn't know how much I needed to talk to her. I don't want to be a bitter old woman with no friends. Of course I will have to learn French so when I retire to the south of France I can still have friends.
In the past some of my girl friends have disappointed me in ways I never thought. One girl friend was so prideful and wouldn't have me question her husband. She thought he was so great and always right. She learned that he wasn't, but by that time our friendship was over. I knew it was going to end things, but I had to speak up. At that time she was just spinning out of control with her obsession over something that had happened 2 years before that. I couldn't listen anymore and by this point she was just thinking others were holding something against her husband, um no everyone else has moved on, and what if he was wrong? That is what I had to say and she flipped.
Another ended up leaving her husband and is remarried to a man that was close to her family, its like she married her uncle. I have seen this new couple, but they are so creepy. She has a father complex and wanted her father to take better care of her after her mother died. It never happened and both her husbands have been older than herself. The first was a user and thought her family was loaded and he wouldn't have to work much. That didn't happen and she didn't get the life his first wife had, going to Nordie's all the time.
I used to be so close to these two, but they freaked out and I am no longer friends with them. It makes me wonder, if I can't stand these women how do these men feel? No wonder they can't keep their marriages going they can't even be friends very well. Some days I miss them and want to give them a call. I can't there isn't that close bond anymore.
The other thing I wonder is what will I be like in ten years? What if the few friends I have are not there? I can feel that I am becoming bitter towards women. I am very careful what I say to the women at my work. I am not their buddy, I am nice but I don't tell them too much. I sit and watch them, and for the most part they are not nice and they steal sales and are tacky. For the most part I eat lunch alone, I don't care that they don't ask me to go on break with them.
Am I going to be this old woman by herself with tons of dogs and no friends? Neither of these women wanted me to be honest with them. They wanted me to go along with their daydreams and I just couldn't. I can't go along with the fairly tail of the Sit-Com's that they will be friends forever and I couldn't keep listening to them go on and on about some daydreams that aren't real. The Sit-Com families are not real, and I like to live in the real world. No wonder I am better friends with men than women, I can be blunt with them and they might get mad, but then tell me I was right to say something.
As for the future, I have been reconnecting with some of my girlfriends. One helped be my muse the other day and got me on a new writing project. I was so grateful to her and burst out into tears, I didn't know how much I needed to talk to her. I don't want to be a bitter old woman with no friends. Of course I will have to learn French so when I retire to the south of France I can still have friends.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Trying
In the last month I have started a new job, this has had its ups and downs. While I am grateful to have a job. I keep reading how the worst places to get a job are in my own back yard. I have to remind myself of that when I want to hit people over the head, when they are being annoying.
The other thing that has been helping is having the paycheck. I have bought myself some fun boots and some work shoes. I don't have to ask my man for money to get my nails done, since I have my own.
One of the other benefits, having money and days off in the middle of the week to have lunch with my girlfriends. I connected with one earlier this week, it felt really great and I didn't know how much I had missed her. Now that I have a job and I have some money, we can make this a more regular event. She even inspired me to a new project.
The other day at work I was told to go to a second sales seminar, we all were told this. It helped a lot, I had been focusing on personalities of my co-workers and things I don't like about them. In truth some of the girls are very ghetto, and I don't mean anything about their ethnicity, but the urban equivalent of being 'born in a barn'. No manners, no class.
I would be lying if I said I didn't mess around and play at work when I was 19. It was only the week my manager was on vacation. We did get loud, and I felt bad right away. The difference is that even a much older women joined in the antics, didn't stop it and there was tons of customers around. When I was 19 we just ran done the escalator and laughed loud. It wasn't a good thing, but as soon as we saw some of the other managers we straighten up.
I really don't want to be the older lady saying that the younger generation is rubbish and all, they make it too easy. Talking about how much they drank the night before and when they were constipated. Things I really don't want to know.
Instead I try to look at the things I have control of, my own customer service. I have mentioned to my friends that I do things my own way and not the company way. Still I get lots of sales. They want customers to buy everything, um I live in the real world, people are still broke. Filling up my tank yesterday and I am spending twice as much as a few years ago. Good thing my job is close to home.
In all I am trying to adjust to the new job, it is better to have a place to go to. A reason to get up and get dressed. Last year I had to deal with feeling useless and bored at home. Sure none of it is really easy, at least I can help my family.
The other thing that has been helping is having the paycheck. I have bought myself some fun boots and some work shoes. I don't have to ask my man for money to get my nails done, since I have my own.
One of the other benefits, having money and days off in the middle of the week to have lunch with my girlfriends. I connected with one earlier this week, it felt really great and I didn't know how much I had missed her. Now that I have a job and I have some money, we can make this a more regular event. She even inspired me to a new project.
The other day at work I was told to go to a second sales seminar, we all were told this. It helped a lot, I had been focusing on personalities of my co-workers and things I don't like about them. In truth some of the girls are very ghetto, and I don't mean anything about their ethnicity, but the urban equivalent of being 'born in a barn'. No manners, no class.
I would be lying if I said I didn't mess around and play at work when I was 19. It was only the week my manager was on vacation. We did get loud, and I felt bad right away. The difference is that even a much older women joined in the antics, didn't stop it and there was tons of customers around. When I was 19 we just ran done the escalator and laughed loud. It wasn't a good thing, but as soon as we saw some of the other managers we straighten up.
I really don't want to be the older lady saying that the younger generation is rubbish and all, they make it too easy. Talking about how much they drank the night before and when they were constipated. Things I really don't want to know.
Instead I try to look at the things I have control of, my own customer service. I have mentioned to my friends that I do things my own way and not the company way. Still I get lots of sales. They want customers to buy everything, um I live in the real world, people are still broke. Filling up my tank yesterday and I am spending twice as much as a few years ago. Good thing my job is close to home.
In all I am trying to adjust to the new job, it is better to have a place to go to. A reason to get up and get dressed. Last year I had to deal with feeling useless and bored at home. Sure none of it is really easy, at least I can help my family.
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