Looks

As we get older we have to worry about all our living coming back to haunt us. There are old calories that are still hanging around. The only thing to be done is exercise and get rid of them.

For our skin we need to apply creams and lotions to keep us looking nice. The more important thing is who we are and not what we look like. We are all going to get older and lose our looks. We are all going to get wrinkles of course, some use injections to hide from this fact. Recently I had a shock to my system by finding out how bad things were getting.

Now that I’m getting older it’s a cold hard fact that I have to deal with. It’s not easy and I guess I have been averting my eyes to the bad bits. In the last few years I have been taking Pilate classes and belly dancing, I really need to keep this up. It will not get any better by watching TV.

My book has not sold yet and I need to work on that and I need to get some fresh ink into another publication. I need to finish some projects and stop watching so many movies. The great thing about being a writer, I don’t have to be a model.

It can be easy to help others feel good about their looks. We love our friends and find the good qualities in them. Others won’t be so kind. If in a photo there is a heavy girl, will people say she is looks like she is a good friend? Or will they just reject her based on her size? In this age of image, what do you do if you don’t fit the ideal? Hide and eat some doughnuts? Please don’t do that. Work on your personality instead; you can always make them laugh.

While I know I will never be a model, not as short as I am. The idea of being at a smaller size and being healthier is a goal I have. In the coming years it will be to my advantage to be lighter. It’s always better to be fit than over weight.

The things I can be happy about right now: I have been keeping up my exercise. In the last year I have been performing at a coffeehouse in Long Beach. Come what may, I am a good dancer. Even though I am getting older I still get carded, thanks guys. ;-)

One last thing that helps, having friends who love you just the way you are!

Keep Dancing

There have been so many different game shows. Recently there is a dance show that is aimed at losing weight. I feel it is a positive way to keep people moving. Sure, there is prise money, but they have to eat well and lose weight to keep in the game.

Isn't that really the way it is? We all have to keep active and keep going. Times are hard and this year has been the worst in a long time. In the 90's it was bad as well and I can remember when homes were 90K and I still didn't have the money to buy anything.

The same thing has been happening now. There are three empty homes on my street that are repos. There are some great homes in the hills near me that are for sale as well. The thing is of course, no one is buying them. In the mean time we have been trying to keep our own place. Things we have done to cut back, like getting the chickens are paying off. They are laying regularly and the eggs are great!

The shop I work at has hit hard times and we all have to pull together and make this thing work. I have also been working hard on getting my friends to read the first chapter of my book and comment on it. That is still on going and the results will be posted as they come in.

A few years ago at a Writer's Conference the Key Note speaker said something that still rings in my ears. "Don't give up five minutes before the miracle happens". I really do want my book to be a success and I don't want to give up. So for what its' worth...I have to keep on dancing.

Weight

I haven’t lost the amount I wanted to by the time I got to July of this year. Not that I am discouraged at all.

There are more important things that just a number, in the last month I have made a lot of changes to my diet and I feeling much better. There has been an increase in energy and I am sleeping better. The next day I feel rested and better able to deal with whatever comes my way.

My clothes are fitting so much better and even during difficult times during the month I am not in such a bad mood. I have been even smiling and having fun all month long. I know that it’s called junk food for a reason, and I know that I feel so much better without it. My fresh eggs are so much of a reward after all my hard work keeping up with the chickens and they are not full of chemicals.

In the last month I have been eating mostly homemade sandwiches and salads at lunch. I have replaced chips and fries with nuts and some yogurt. We had some pancakes, but whole grain and fresh blue berries. I don’t miss having junk food and I eat smaller more frequent meals and snacks. That way I don’t over indulge when I do eat.

Still dancing and doing my Pilates classes has been helpful as well. Sometimes I get too hungry to stay for Pilates. I am making an effort to eat when I am hungry and not waiting for too long. Potatoes and other starches have been my downfall. There is a bit of pasta in my cupboards but I haven’t used it in a while. More complex carbs help me to feel fuller for a longer time. There is a lot of squaw bread around my house these days.

There are some classes that my doctor recommended I take; they are too expensive for me right now. A little planning and I can go to the classes soon. In the mean time I have been making sure to keep sweets to a minim and keep eating fruits and nuts instead.

There is a lot of help in this matter on the web, which has been such a help. There is no need to keep ourselves in the dark when there is so much information available. While I still have a goal that I am working towards, it’s not the only thing that matters. Feeling better and taking care of myself is its’ own reward. I have more energy to do the things I love. Such as dancing, surfing and playing with my dogs.

Giving Back

There are a lot of celebs that talk about giving back to the community. These are people that are not struggling and can pay their mortgages and have a surplus. There is a bit of arrogance in feeling superior to others less fortunate. Sure charity can be helpful; but sometimes it can feel like a put down.

We all need to have a bit of pride in being able to take care of ourselves. Without that we can get so low that goals don’t seem attainable. For many Native Americans in the Pueblos can attest. Living in a dry corner of the state that no one wants so the rest of the world can forget about them, has lead to despair. If there is no industry and no hope of being educated enough to join the rest of the world, why try?

We can do that to our own families and make them feel so despondent they no longer form goals. Or their goals are so low that it is too easy to achieve. What that does is give them an excuse to do much less than they are capable of, how sad is that?

What can we do to help our family and maybe others? Encouragement for one, in a way that is truthful and dignified, we need to tell our family members things that we like about them, their good qualities. We can find something positive to say about them. Men need to know they are respected, that is the most valuable thing to them. Women need to feel loved. It is out of love that we tell them to look in the mirror and take care of themselves. To get out of the house and take charge of their lives, sure they may resist at first, but they can’t say no one cared enough to tell things they needed to hear.

For our men we need to be careful. We don’t want to nag, and we don’t want to tear them down. We have to not be too emotional but stick to facts. Fact; you are talented at ‘X’ whatever they are good at. We need to praise our men in front of others. Especially other men and we have to tell their friends how proud we are of them.

To our friends we want to share any information that will help them. Bargains and other ways we can save money. We have to sensitive to the fact that they may not be able to go out and pay for dinners. Again helping with networking can be such a help. Of course we can’t help out everyone and don’t need to. There are government agencies in place that people can draw upon when they need help. If that is the case, don’t despair. Use it as a way to regroup and get back on our feet. If you do have a lot of free time, volunteer work can do much to lift your spirits.

We need to help lift each other up otherwise we can get so despondent. When things are this hard, we have to find the good in each other to keep going. This is another way we can give back, even if we are broke.

Reality Check

There are things that are easy to acknowledge and others no so much. I know that at my age a career as a dancer is out of the question. While I am able to dance in small venues and pick up some tip money, it’s not like I will be the next Martha Graham.

It’s not easy to see things the way they really are. We have a tendency to wear are rose colored glasses more than we admit. Recently I found out that a girl I have known for years married the ex-husband of her best friend. It is so odd, he is much too old for her and he and his ex-wife were thinking of reconciling. Now that move, would take another divorce.

I still thought of her for so long as that little girl I knew and was close to. She has married before and that was with another man that was too old for her. It’s as if she is chasing the life the first wife had. Both first wives did not have to work and used to go to Nordstrom’s and shop all the time. It does not look good that this marriage will be any better, her new husband has already told her, he will never love her as much as his first wife.

Why would she marry him after a statement such as that? She wants things to be her way, the dream she has in her mind. That she will be better than the first wife, or whatever. She has shunned her old friends and any one that will talk to her in a straightforward manner and ask her, “What in the world do you think you are doing?” She doesn’t want the reality check, it will come to her one day, if she likes it or not.

In the last few weeks I have had to face things about myself that I have not wanted to, its’ not easy. I can handle it better now that I am a bit older. I don’t think I would have been ready a while back. Now if I am ready or not other things had to be faced, sometimes its work things or it maybe relationships. I know I like to have a lot of attention and I know that can be overbearing at times. It’s not the best quality I have. Over the years I have told myself time and again to stop and listen to others and not take over all the conversations. It’s amazing what you can learn if you stop and listen to others.

As for my old friend, I can’t tell her anything. She will not listen at this point. The great thing about that is, life will teach her better than I ever could. She will not escape this relationship and when things come crashing down she will learn. Hopefully. I can only worry about myself and face my own challenges, my own reality.


PS: just as I am about to post this. I collected the 1st egg from my chickens! It’s a small brown egg. It is broken so I can’t eat it. There will be plenty more where that came from. They are earning their keep! :-)

Diet

This last weekend I found out some disturbing new about my health. Diabetes type 2, exactly what I didn’t want. I have been working out these last few years to get my weight down before I get older and it is harder to lose. I have made some progress and it has helped me feel better.

When it comes to healthy issues and me I tend to get defensive. It opens up old wounds that my mother inflected on me a young girl. If we really want to get down to it, my mother ruined my health at an early age. She didn’t feed my Gerber baby food or make strained pees for me. She fed me nothing but sugar and candy. So much of it I would spit it out, since I was sick of it. She thought since she always wanted sweets as a child it would be fun for me to have that all the time. Not very bright, mom, I became weak without proper nutrition and almost died of pneumonia.

After that I was taken to all kinds of herbalist and specialist. I had a very strict diet with no starches and only complex carbs, no simple carbs and no sugar. I could only have sugar free candy; I could get at Hickory Farms and soymilk. It wasn’t the nice kind we get at the stores now; it was thick like condensed milk.

My mother made all of this drudgery and I grew to resent it. She made it clear that my condition was a burden. She even had to go to the state offices and get more money from food stamps since my diet requirements were so costly. On cold rainy days she didn’t think I might like something warm, like soup or the occasional hamburger and was ready to force me to eat a cold salad. I had to demand a hamburger.

Later when I was older she blamed my shortness on my unfaithfulness in taking my vitamins. The specialist had said if I took them there might be a slight chance I could be taller. It was not a guaranty. She yelled at me and told me if I kept eating sugar, they (the doctors) would have to cut off my foot. Again, thanks mom, nothing like positive reinforcement. It was such a strict diet and it was too much for a child to keep up. I would throw out my pills. I had been taking them for years. It was very difficult to be a child and chained to a regiment of pills and certain foods. I wanted to run and play and not worry about my health every minute.

The only good thing about that time is that now I know the things I should be eating. It is easy for me to get some squaw bread and make the needed changes in my diet to help me feel better and live well. I hate the thought of shooting up insulin. Instead I will cut out sugars in potatoes and fast food. In the last week I have made these changes and lost 3 pounds. I did have to get a blood monitor and still have to learn how to use it. Next week more on this process, for now I am keeping close watch on my diet.

Life and Death

The other day we found out that a friend of a friend died in the Middle East during his tour of duty. It was still a shock, no matter that he was in a war zone. The widow was angry and took it out on a friend saying it was their fault. No one held a gun to his head and told him to take the oath to defend the country against all enemies’ foreign or domestic. He took that of his own free will, but she was just upset and felt the need to blame someone. Part of the process, later she will get to acceptance.

The same day I was taking time to start up a new friendship. We took some time and met for coffee and talked of life. She is ready to start a new part in her life and we talked of that and so many other things.

That’s the thing; death is hard on the living. We have to deal with the pain and we have to go through the feelings of loss and denial, anger the whole gambit. We have to attended the funerals and cry with the families and bring by jell-o molds. Always the jell-o molds show up.

One of the stress reliefs in my life is my dogs. I can cuddle up with them and they help. Just petting them helps me feel better. Looking into their eyes and it helps. They don’t know why we are sad, but they just cuddle up and help us feel better. The best thing we did when our older dog Angus died, was to get a new puppy. Middy, she had no idea what had happened and she helped to cheer us all up. Even the other dog, Gwennie was entertained by her; I think it is the best way to heal from another dog dying. Sure the one that died is mourned and there will be another one just like it, but the new one will help us to remember, life goes on and there is still plenty to be happy and grateful for.

There is nothing like a good friend or a new friend to talk to. We can’t make it on our own all the time. We need friends and loved ones to help us get through it. Even if we can’t find the right words to say, just being there and holding our friend’s hand, or hugging them can be the best thing we can do for them. The rest will just take time; it’s all part of life and death. OXOX